Robert Randolph & the Family Band

Amen Robert!

"I need more love every day of my life."



I say, Amen! I used to think it was just the opposite but this is so true. the more I live , the more love I need to get through the day. The older I am the more I am dependant on grace for soul survival. Perhaps it's that I just that I now realize it. I believe God takes us there. He's not looking for the self made man. He's looking for a dead man in need of life's breath!

By the way. Great Album!
mtullos@lifeway.com

Where Jesus Is

Very encouraging letter from Michelle in South Africa!




Oh wow - that's it! We worked SO hard on that musical, months and months of practice, hours every week. We changed some of it to be more "South African", using SA cities for the Lara scene and more SA language instead of the USA way of saying some of the things, etc. We did 7 performances, to packed churches, and the kids really loved doing it! We had some awesome actors/actresses, and one of the girls did dance choreography to all the songs. All our kids ranged in age from 13 to 17 and showed complete committment. Our "Jesus" was perfect, a quiet, really Jesus-like chap that really shone. Pharisee was a favourite, as was Song of the Shepherds.

And there were a number of changed lives as a result. One 85-year old cynic changed his heart and mind after seeing the play and is now a committed Christian. Many others were deeply touched by the message.

Thanks for witing such an awesome musical - we LOVED it.

Michelle

http://serenitydawn.blogspot.com


mtullos@lifeway.com

Asking for an easy life?

Rich Mullins


"Don't resist the work of God by asking for an easy life."
Rich Mullins

Thoughts on this quote: So many times I find myself asking God to make my life more comfortable when actually I am probably asking for something outside of God's plan for me. Can a person actually have an impact on the world while experiencing ease and comfort? God selects the hard road. That seems to be where the fullness of Christ resides.


mtullos@lifeway.com

The blow by blow

Left early from work and went to daystar with Isaac and Darlene. After that I stayed home with Isaac and then went Darlene and the younger guys went to the Fall Festival at Greenhill Church

More later....

The Sun Flares!

Psalm 72
5 He will endure as long as the sun,
as long as the moon, through all generations.

ExxonMobil Masterpiece Theatre | The Hound of the Baskervilles

Watched the Hound of the Baskervilles last night with the three older guys. Well crafted as most MPT productions are. Spooky mysterious fun...

Double Vision

If you’ve been in church leadership any amount of time you may have encountered a committee like the one that gathered at First Enigma. The Committee on Committees sat in the church parlor for their bimonthly meeting. The chairman opened in a short prayer and then began the meeting on a positive note.

"I want to congratulate the committee for the fine work we’ve done the past year. Even though church attendance decreased 40 percent since the recent piano-on-the-left-side/organ-on-the-right-side controversy, our esteemed committee managed to increase the number of active committees from 14 to 73," Ralph began.

"Make that 74. You forgot the carpet stain management committee that we created in our emergency meeting after the Youth DiscipleNow weekend," Emma interjected.

The committee applauded as Ralph took a red marker and colored in one more unit on the chart that they’d developed as a visual and motivational tool to chart their progress.

"Now we must press forward; there is a lot to do. Over the past few days, I have been
thinkin’ about the lack of results we’re experiencing. We’ve all been busy in meetings and committees, yet we don’t seem to be able to manage any growth."
"Good point," One member remarked.
"What could we do?" the Ralph asked.
"How about a Vision Statement?" a newly appointed member suggested.
Silence. Dead silence.
"I don’t think that’s in our ballpark. We’re practical. Vision statements, objectives, purpose, values... Those things are secular and squishy."
"Plus," An elderly member added, "I thought we had a vision statement. Isn’t it "A Million More in 2004".
"No, I’m afraid that was a million more in 54," Emma said.
A cautious man who, up to that point, sat stone-faced and unmoved spoke forth. "I have a friend who is a member of a church that started talking about vision and purpose and do you have any idea what showed up in their sanctuary two weeks later?
He paused for dramatic effect.
"BONGOS!"


Most churches these days have double vision. The one that’s framed on the wall near the welcome center and the other unspoken one that tells people how the church really works. These statements fly under the radar, but they do exist. Here are a few unspoken vision statements:

Committed to wiping out PowerPoint in our lifetime.
So hip and intellectual that even we don’t know what we’re talking about.
We’ll top last year’s Christmas extravaganza or your tithe back.
Changing pastors every three years for the past 199 years!
We disagreed with First.
Softball, Fried Chicken and Fifth Sunday Singin’! What more could one want?
We are a church committed to huge speakers, tiny tweeters and lots of monitors! Can you hear us now?
We’ve got a pipe organ and we’re not afraid to use it!
We exist to make sure that kids know that kids should walk - not run in the building!
We believe in predestination and the future. Call us Hyperspace Calvinists!
Jesus is coming. Let’s look busy!
Offering 10.00. New Dress Shoes 25.00. Getting to the Lubby’s before the Methodists: Priceless.

Of course under-the-radar vision statements aren’t what the work of the church is really about…

It’s not about recognition
and it’s not about the carpet condition.
It’s not about fame
Nor critical acclaim,
Not about whose staff is best,
Nor what that church is doing out west.
It’s not about how much money we raise.
Nor what’s the newest worship craze.
It’s not about whose ego we bruise
Or the wealthy member we’d hate to loose.
It’s about seizing the chance to stand and prevail
Against the fortified bastions of hell,
Against unconquered spiritual regions,
And rescuing souls from the unholy legions.
It’s about counting the cost and bringing the lost
To the throne of grace to see Christ’s Holy Face.
When we look to the sky
And He appears with a shout,
No one will deny
What the church is about.

I guess it helps me to write something in this blog to tell anyone that I am accomplishing things in my little corner of this big superstructure of evangelical gobbledeygook.

Finished with four things on my to-do list.

Had a great conversation with my best man- Danny. He has been through lots of junk and is still hanging in there. Sometimes surviving is the greatest gift and triumph. He's got lots of great ideas... Very enterprising guy.

I hope we'll be able to reconnect this December.

Calif. Wildfires Take Toll on 182-Church Baptist Association

Calif. Wildfires Take Toll on 182-Church Baptist Association

Praying for these churches....

Mundane Stuff

Met with David. Had a great time of prayer. Then met with John to go over the bulletins. they're looking great. I'm so glad that today I can work till six. Lots to do.

Had another dream last night about moving. This motif whether carnal or devine continues to gain force and wieght.

Morning Activities

Going into morning prayer meeting with David Elliot.
Working on True Love Waits Project
Editing Let's Worship- Lots of sharpening needs to be done.

Lord, I give you this day once again. I believe in you and I long to see you strengthen my faith. I welcome trials. Teach me the power of relying on you. May the distrust in self continue.

Why?

When You cast the stars in place and molded mud to man.
When sunlight graced first morning's dew
Waves blending into sand.
Did you know forbidden fruit,
golden calf,
bitter root,
rage,
hunger
Pain
murder,
our deep bent to worship others.
Did you know about children chained, raped, neglected, discarded.
Did You know all this?
Of course, I know You knew.
I'm just tortured with this thought.
It's not my place. I ask in vain
I am no judge of God.
Free will gives birth to greater love.
And still, grace moves below, above.
I wonder will I understand it better by and by.
Or hold on to this one question.
Simply stated: Why?

Meetings can go on and on...

Met with the EIC team today (1-3), discussed nuts and bolts work. What do I really have to offer in a meeting like that. I don't know... sometimes...

I planned on working late until around 7 or 8 tonight but I'm just too tired. My energy is waining. I think it is a mix of stress and depression. Not anything really scary just no energy.

I can't seem to get David Ring's people to call me back for permission to use his story in the VS book.

Gettin' Busy

Todays Headlines....

Details
Contact David Ring.
Try to get in Contact with Jeff Roberts about the August Concert for TLW tenth anniversary.
Get TM412 Treatment finished tonight.
Work on Contracts.
Follow God.

Merton Quote

"Modern man believes he is fruitful and productive when his ego is aggressively affirmed, when he is visibly active, and when his action produces obvious results."
Thomas Merton
Love & Living

Sabbath

Practicing a Sabbath today. Worship and stillness and a little football. Inlaws are now gone and I'm gearing up for what promises to be a fairly brutal week of work. I enjoyed the time change immensely! Woke up rested despite the fact that I stayed up late last night reading. I feel as if I'm on the verge of a new project on the life of Christ. I don't even know what form it will be but it is going to be a long process. Wanting to go deeper than I have in the past to understand the 1st Century culture. I feel a little nervous that it'll swallow me up as I enter the process.

John Vasar

Uncle John Vassar by David Smithers: "Wherever a need could be found John Vassar could be found praying. A. J. Gordon, the famous Spirit-filled minister of the 19th, century recalls Vassar's prayer life. 'When he came occasionally to work among my flock, he at once took the whole church and people on his heart and began to travail for them in prayer, as though his very life depended on the issue. This intercession continued night and day with tears. He never said he had prayed all night, but I could hear him again and again breaking forth in the darkness with strong crying unto God. I know what the burden was, it was this congregation, strangers to him till today. It was this flock, not one of whom he had ever seen till now. This habitual prayerfulness was something so wonderful that I wish to emphasize it as furnishing the true secret of his life.' "

David Brainerd

David Brainerd

Incredible life. Another jewel I'd never heard about. Amazing.

Caleb

A couple of nights ago, after Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting Caleb and I went outside to eat a late supper. He ate soup and struck a pose!

In all things...

Lord, I give you my son Isaac. Bring Him back. Protect Jacob from feelings of disappointment and rejection. He, too, is a super-feeler like me. His pain is accute but his potential to be used by You is unlimited. Lord I lift Nathan to you. Thank you for planting seeds of greatness in his life. Give him a full all out passion for you. And for Caleb. You have done so much to bring him into understanding. You have been at work increasing his mental capability. Praise You.

Deliver

Deliver me from evil.
Not the evil from the black-hat-six gun shooting villains.
Deliver me from the evil that I am capable of carrying.
Deliver me
I am prone to wander.
Deliver me.
I'm afraid of my feelings.
Deliver me.
I tremble in my own weakness.
Deliver me
I need sanctuary from my own flesh.
Deliver me from hot anger and the what-might-have-beens.
Deliver....

Left Brain Details

Today I worked on contracts and emails.
Ate lunch with Chris @Jack's.
Walter and Leta spent the night at our place last night and tonight. Skipped out a little early to get a USB cable from Compusa.
Picked Isaac up. Went back to LifeWay to get Isaac a Christan Rap CD.
I'm so thankful that things have gone well over the past week with Isaac.
More in a little . Then I ran into this








Wondered what the deal was until I heard this-

Fall Festival of Praise

Last night Bruce, Darlene, Dan and I did a Senior Adult Event- I compiled a Radio Show that we performed at 2 Rivers BC. Very good response. Actually lots of fun. The picture a bit ambiguous but I tried.

This is from a Lifelines. It really looks like I'm working... Jim Campbell the artist from Let's Worship is seated.

God's Thoughts and My Thoughts

Psalm 50:21 Has a phrase that speaks volumes about humans and about God. "You thought I was altogether like you." I must remember that God's thoughts aren't my thoughts. His ways are not my ways... God is wildly unpredictable. So far is He from my concept of Him. He is before us, beyond us, but He is for us. He knows me completely but as for me, I am far from knowing Him. Holy Father I want to see you. I acknowledge, not only am I unlike you. I haven't even scratched the surface of Your identity. You are Jehovah, the self-existent One who sustains me.

Where's Ralph??

So Ralph is at Calvary in Beaumont Texas.

First Baptist Church of Norfolk

Ralph is no longer at First Norfolk. Hmmm.... Where did he go???

Must work fast today. Lots of things to do.
1. Go to 2 Rivers @ 11 for the sound check with Fall Festival of Praise.
2. Read Temples first two chapters of the Deacon book for observations and notes.
3. Contact Ralph and Yvonne Burrage about article for Deacon.
4. Sign Contracts.
5. Pick up Isaac at 4:15
6. Begin Editing Process on Let's Worship.
7. Request contracts on a ton of folks.
8. Contact Mark Mann.
9. Be God's.

Nathan is one cool son!

Cool Quote

"Once abolish the God, and the government becomes the God." -
G.K. Chesterton 1933

Finished laying out the Summer Let's Worship (If there will be a world by then...) It freaks me out to think how far in advance the system makes us work. Preparing for Darlene's folks who are coming to visit. It's always a trip to have family in, that nervous self analysis and sudden sprint for the 409 and easy-off...

Quiet
tender
soft and steady.
The night breathes and the heart wanders.
A lonely hunter of God.
The Earth moves marble-like
with unnoticed grace.
Sunrise, sunset.
heartbreak and sirens possess the land in countless venues.
But only the hush of the moment in this place
And the simple providence of stillness
a gleaming wave of steady hope.
Hope that ushers the closing of the age.

Finished my book for discipleship. A great weight has been lifted. Thanks for seeing me through the process during such a tumultuous period, Lord.

Caleb went skating with Mom and Nathan. He's been looking forward to the skating party but he came home downcast because he's says people call him a geek. I'm pretty sure he's simply got my super-intuitive sensitivity. Strengthen his heart Lord. He's probably just tired. Sometimes being Peter Pan is difficult. And sometimes being Peter Pan's father is difficult as well.

Awkward.

That's the parenting word for the day as I try my best to share my faith with Isaac. He is so darn black and white. Lord, I'm bringing his name before You again. Give Him eternal eyes to see the reality of your existence- that You are not simply an idea, or a parental tool to keep him honest. Still a passion in his soul for You. And keep me persistent and awake as I battle on His behalf. Thanks once more for the prayers of friends and dear family members.

Heard from my college theatre Prof. Larry Pait. What a trip! Still in NY but now with kids a wife and still pursuing his dream. I really admire the commitment to his craft.

I love this quote:

Get into the habit of saying, "Speak, Lord,"
and life will become a romance.
~ Oswald Chambers ~

Dear Matt,

I love you and my love is enough. It is enough to banish all fear, rebellion, doubt, and injustice. It is strong, and it doesn't allow those in need to suffer. My love is mercy. When this love encounters the downtrodden, it stoops and redeems. When my love sees deception, it has the will and the courage to confront the lie and to tell the truth. My love is a love of second chances. It is a love that brings reconciliation, joy, and even laughter. It shows no aversion to nails or thorns or crosses or tears. My love is painful, but it is perfect. It is clean. Indeed it is as pure as the crystal river that runs through the cities of heaven. It sees through the pretenses, the ulterior motives, and selfish ambition. Trust my love. My love never fails.

Jesus

Worked on writing, Let's Worship budget this morning and then rehearsal for Fall Festival of Praise which will be this Thursday night. Listening to Rich Mullins and drawing energy from several orchestral pieces from Scarlet Letter, The Mission and assorted classical things. Beethoven is my man when I'm writing. Very cerebral music that easily gets me to my writing place.

Luke 9:46-48 "An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest." (NIV)


I love how the New King James Version reports this event. “Then a dispute arose among them...” It sounds so sterile and polite. No one’s mad. A dispute rose among them. That’s all. But seriously, this is a great example of people who have good intentions but in their own self-set agenda, forget their purpose all together. They wanted to make a quick rise to the top of God’s good boy list. Jesus stood a child before them. (Perhaps Jesus was playing with the child and His disciples’ aurgument began in his absence. It’s hard to imagine conducting a bragging contest with the King of creation listening in!) Anyway, Jesus gave them the key to greatness. It lies in forgeting about the ladder and living in love. I don't need to climb ladders. I need to hang out with Jesus.

Nouwen writes, "Still there are other voices. Voices that are loud, full of promises and very seductive. These voices say 'Go out and prove that you are worth something.' They are always there and, always, they reach into those inner places where I question my own goodness."

God of mercy, I am praying that you will close my ears to the voices written about here. It's a frightening prayer- but hold me captive to your voice only. The stream of personal gratification and accomplishment is a luxury that I no longer can afford.

Back home. Spent three hours moving my entertainment center and rewiring the blasted thing. By the time I was finished I had just about decided that a jam box and a tv vrc combo would have been a better idea. s-video, optic thingamabobs and other cords were about as complicated as the past two weeks.

Tomorrow, I have to work on contracts. My least favorite part of the job. I'm always afraid I'm forgetting something or someone.

Picked up Jacob from his rehearsal with Josh and Beth. I really miss them. They were pure joy when we were working on staff together.

Celebrating the fact that my heart rate went down to 87. What a change. Thanks God. You are in control.

My email to friends about Isaac:

We had a (miraculously) great weekend with Isaac. The only possible explanation I can give is the prayers of so many friends. Isaac has actually wanted to go to church and mentioned that he really likes his Sunday School teacher. We've had no rebellious attitude, no sneaking around, no rap, and no strange behavior. He has also found some Christian music that he's wanting to purchase- something he hasn't asked for in years.

Also we've explored three promising options for Isaac if we need to put him in a different environment.

One thing is certain, God is teaching us so much. We are relying on Him more and on ourselves less.

Words can't express our thankfulness for your prayers. I'm sure most of you are aware that I am a highly sensitive person (emotionally). By the grace of God and through your prayers, I'm strengthened. God has really settled my mind, emotions, and spirit.

Matt

Welcome to the Huntington Quarterly Online

Article by Clint McElroy on Brad Dourif

Nouwen pp. 43

"I am a prodigal son everytime i search for unconditional love where it cannot be found." The Return of the PS.

Josh my new friend from Olney writes: I'm so happy that you enjoyed the Mullins book. There's something that is joyful on a very basic level about sharing an appreciation of a good book. Mullins sang stuff about being a Christian I always wanted or needed to hear, though sometimes I didn't realize it until I heard his songs. Somehow its encouraging when you run across a fellow pilgrim who has been spurred on from the same source.

Henri Nouwen Literary Centre

Web Site of Nouwen

Nouwen writes, "I have heard that voice. It has spoken to me in the past and continues to speak to me now. It is the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love whenever and giving life and love whenever it is heard."

Saturday night. Jacob and Nathan back from Hobson and Caleb asleep on the floor. I've had the first real day of rest in a long time. I needed it. I actually need a few days like this to heal up from all that's been going on. Tomorrow we'll be at Walter Hill BC in Murph. Isaac is going to Hermitage Hills for sunday School and church. My heart is at around 108. I need to get the rate down so I'll probably start trying to work out every day for around 20 minutes at least. We have lots of questions about the coming days and weeks, financially and with Isaac's school situation.

I've felt a bit panicked for the past few days but I'm hoping to settle down. Just settle down. This is not the time to get all freaked out.

Staying late to finish the quiet time quides for the book. I'm weary of working. I've finished 11 of 20. I hope to get a few more done tonight and this weekend I should finish them all. Lord thanks...

I am blessed to have a Heavenly Father that reaches out. His love isn’t the kind of love that could be visualized with crossed arms, pouting, foot-tapping disgust. God isn’t sitting on his throne waiting for us to cower sheepishly before him. He is a God who pursues me! He goes out looking for the runaways! We must let this concept sink in deeply, because it isn’t often that we picture God as a pursuer of us, but that is exactly what He does. I don’t understand why. Perhaps I never will but the fact is God is in love with us! Because we are worthy? Of course not. It’s because we belong to Him.

Lord, Your love is the most amazing thing we can ever feel on this earth. It is stubbornly holding onto us. I want to thank you because you loved me before I took my very first breath and I know from your word that you’ll never forsake, even in the hour that I take my last breath.

Ate with Judi and GB. Discussed the chasm between liberals and conservatives. Interesting conversation. I often feel that that grace is hard for conservatives and "right and wrong" issues are hard for liberals. Conservatives would have thrown Jesus out on his ear for the company he kept and liberals would have thrown him out on his ear for his passionate lifestyle and literal interpretation of holy Scripture. Scary when both camps call Him Lord. Jesus however would have no trouble with all of this. He saw it while he was on Earth in flesh and bone. Many will say, "Lord, Lord." The older I get the more I am sure that God is not a respector of human organizations and political agendas. His is simply the lover of His Holy Church -the Body. We must focus on the breaking of bread and the study of God's word and the transformation of people. I think so many have agendas just for the sake of agendizing everyone. Jesus dealt differently with each individual but with the same principles and of course with the same un-world-like grace.

Personal thoughts on Moses

He lived in a town called “the middle of nowhere.” It was the backside of the dessert. It was a stretch of land that couldn’t boast a single stop sign. Now here’s a guy who had a whole nation to boss around. He was living the highlife of Egyptian splendor. He had the all the shiney playthings that any true prince could attain. Then his life hit a major bump. He ran away for 40 years and he felt like his life was over. Now he’s in nowheresville staring at sheep and probably wondering where his life went. Then BOOM! God shows up! He had an encounter with God that would ulitmately transport him into the center of one of the greatest underdog stories ever witnessed. God called, “Moses, Moses.” This same God is calling out your name. You may feel like you are in a spiritual desert. You may feel rejected, abuse, forgotten, punished, or just plain apathetic. Rest assured that this same God is calling out your name. So it’s your move. God has a message for you to deliver. (Just like Moses.) So what are you going to do about it?

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried," GK Chesterton

The American Chesterton Society


Best site on old GK

Tell the story
make it right
lay it out there
light the light
pour your heart out
set it straight
beg to differ
concentrate
don't gloss over
tell the tale
knock me over
lift the veil
don't protect me
let it fly
shout the message
feel free to cry
it's not worth holding
behind your teeth
Don't shut up, son
for GOD's sake- speak!

Tonight, I'm taking Isaac to eat with Amy- R.B.'s daughter. She's struggled like Isaac. I pray she'll be able to talk with him about the path he's going down. Amy's 19- now pretty much out of the woods.

Gk Chesteron on extremes in literature.

"The fairy tale discusses what a sane man will do in a mad world. The sober realistic novel discusses what an essential lunitatic will do in a dull world."

I feel like I'm making good progress on LW Summer. Surfacing.

Yesterday

First day without tears. Time to pick up and move on. Worked hard to get order... Talked with Joel Allen at Riverside. Sent scripts to him.
going to help with their Christmas show. (writing) He wants something non-pageant-like. I'm definitely on the same page.

The act of recreating the life of Christ on stage from birth to death is an impossible task which does more harm to the gospel (in some cases) than good. We can never fully visualize the violent mercy of the cross. Every attempt we make is child's play. The shame of nakedness- we will never know in a play. The mutilation and cruelty of the beatings, the profane, disgusting sodomistic disgust of the Romans, these we must never downplay because in the deep recesses of this moment in history we find the substitution and the payment for our wickedness.

Chesterton: "Actors who can't act, believe in themselves; and debtors who won't pay. Complete self-confidence is not only a sin; complete self confidence is a weakness.

Good morning Lord,

It give this day to you from rising to setting. It's yours. Plant good seeds in my fields today Lord. Slow me down. I wish to live today intentionally. Much to do-so keep me in focus. I've been angry that you haven't answered my prayers in logical ways and I've forgotten that you ways (divine, eternal, and mysterious) are not my ways (practical, reasonable but deadly temporal)

Thomas Hardy:

that I not be buried on concecrated ground
that no sexton be asked to toll the bell
that nobody is wished to see the dead body.
that no mourners walk behind me at my funeral
that no flowers be placed on my grave

Barclay adds: "I too would put my name to that. When I die I should like to leave without a fuss- for what matters is not that I am leaving but where I am going."

Well said.

Reading about Raphael's Prodigal Son Portrait. Barclay's Spiritual autobiography and some G.K. Chesterton. Finding new and old heroes.

Worked at the downtown office until 9 PM. I've spent so much time in consultation about Isaac that I owed the company store some time.

We're praying about a boarding school in KY. That seems to be a real possibility. I realize through this time that I need counseling as well. I spend so much time putting our fires that I often fail to search for the source of the flame.

I'm woefully behind on my public journal. I hope to get on track as the evening wears on. I'm staying in the office to catch up on work. I've spent a great deal of time trying to get my private world back on track over the past week.

Lord, I repent of my impatience. I'm willing Lord. I wait.

This is a day when it's difficult, almost impossible to be a dad but you have to gut it up and do it because 15 years ago this whole thing started. Weary, tired of the constant worry and boundaries and second guesses. Lord, I need you to father me tonight. I am empty and weary of the fight.

Give me wisdom and protect me from the mud of cynicism and dejection.

Today started at 3:45 am. Bad stuff. I canceled my trip to NC because right now my son needs me more than others.

Lord, I surrender.

Psalm 14 The fool has said there is no God-

How utterly foolish to look at the fertile vibrant fields and the grand sweeping flash of stars.. and say we accidentally backed into existence without forethought or planning. The span of difference between God's thoughts and mine are too broad to ever be measured. This fact will never change.

"God does not ask a man to give up his sense of beauty, or his sense of humour, or his pleasant vices, but that it does ask a man to give up his life and soul, his mind, body, reason, and all the rest."

Sinclair Lewis

No one is exempt from talking nonsense; the mistake is to do it solemnly.
    ~~ Montaigne

I've had the kind of day where I analyze every stinkin' area of my life and I've really had to test the spirits. Why this massive over analysis? Why this overriding, hyper-intensive, brainscan?

I look myself in the mirror and wonder why I'm doing the kind of work I'm doing. Is it calling or convenience and the overwhelming cacophony of bills and fear. Bills and fear are a dangerous cocktail.

I'm wiped out. I hope I have something left for the weekend. Lord, I need your strength as I finish up this week and prepare for my trip to NC. Keep the fire burning in my soul. Banish this poor, weak flesh. Conquer the tempest of confusion. Drive me to my knees with your furious consuming love. Cast the wickedness from my life and let truth reign supreme.

I've spent most of the day in meetings. Not much time to work. I'm brainstorming alternatives for Darlene this weekend. Her back is really bothering her.

Peter Searcy called about a marriage enrichment conference on March 19-25. John Temple with questions on the deacon book.

Over the past few days I've been experiencing some tightness in the chest but that seems to have gone. Just stress, I suppose. It was good to get back at the office. I'd like work better if it were a jeans and sneakers outfit other than that It's a great place to do my work that is mostly my passion sans paperwork, expense forms and meetings. Great gig with good benefits and I'm learning how to make close friendships which is difficult for me to do.

Back home tonight. Not tired. Optimistic. Ready to take on tomorrow. So much to do. I'm still not finished with the book but I'm making progress. Last night I worked after the service on it. The writing now is fast because all the ideas are there and it's simply putting fingers to the keyboard and dealing with left brain clean-up on the lessons. I must do the devotions and the leader article. To finish will be blessed relief.

Bought the guys candy and an indoor basketball nerf goal for the "away from home" surprises. Isaac seemed very upbeat. I lifted a few weights and let him be my personal trainer tonight. He seemed open to spending time with me.

Lord, I continue to pray that Isaac will come to a full knowledge of you. Whatever it takes, Lord. Whatever...

Back from a great weekend @ Tilman's corner. Awesome to be with Ken and Chris, my old friends from LC. I'm tired and yet feeling more alive than I have in a few weeks. Experiencing a personal revival. Intoxicated by the prayers of my close friends. I know that they're praying because there's no reason for me to feel this good outside the grace of God. I'll write more about the weekend in a little...

The Rich Mullins book is tearing me up! So longing to have his kind of passion for you God! So longing to feel your love for me O Son of God. I dedicate to live that life. the life of total surrender to you. Father surround me in your love, today. Break down every idol. Bring me into such an authentic relationship that it shows in every dark corner of my life!
I'm longing to be with you Lord. I'm longing to feel the total strength of Your presence, O Father. Have mercy on me! Hold me! Teach me your ever present light.

From the thick, deep, overlooking trees
to the bent and leaning
I drove
I thought
I wished and wondered
The music of questions
the glow of the dash
I am helpless held
captivated by this
God kissed earth
of loud and soft
rocky smooth
precious land of mirth
yes
mirth
(I blush as God watches me sing)
I feel young.
My mind alive
my heart still hopeful
breathing in the star scattered ceiling of space.
God, how could they forget the hand that stroked the universe into
blessed
mighty
existence
?
"Beautiful"
I whisper
as the silver grace continues...

I wasn't planning to still be around.
40
messianic interruption or atomic geopolitical catastrophe should have sent we awol. But here I stand- As Luther said, I can do no more.
Leaving tomorrow- Mobile, AL
Drama Conference. Spent the day today visiting dept of motor vehicle.
Mass of humanity.
First branch.
Lady doesn't lift her eyes. She just calls out over the cacophony of Hispanic chatter.
NO CAN DO! WE'RE ALL FILLED.
No luck.
Later, after running back to Vatican for a meeting that didn't happen I left for another branch.
Mapquest really lied.
Other side of the interstate.
"I must do this today!" I whisper.
No license, no rental car tomorrow in Mobile.
Got in and out in less that 20 minutes, ranking right between the parting of the Red Sea and the withered fig tree.
Thank you Lord, I whisper, as I think about all i have to do today. The plane won't wait for me tomorrow.

Worked last night til around 8:30pm on the Vital Skills project. 7 more hours should do it.

Melodye reminded me of these words from Habakkuk 3 today.

16 I heard and my [whole inner self] trembled; my lips quivered at the sound. Rottenness enters into my bones and under me down to my feet; I tremble. I will wait quietly for the day of trouble and distress when there shall come up against my people him who is about to invade and oppress them.
17 Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, though the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,
18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the victorious God of my salvation!
19 The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk not to stand still in terror, but to walk and make spiritual progress upon my high places of trouble, suffering, or responsibility!

What a great word!

It's been a week since my last post. I've had a good week. Went to Olney Illinois on the weekend. Olney Southern Baptist Church. Friday night worship, Saturday at a crafts fair- performance (We were competing with a brass band 100 yards from where we were. Ahhh! I don't think I'll ever forget that. Saturday afternoon- workshop, Saturday night- Worship. Sunday Morning worship. Darlene went home Sunday Afternoon and I stayed Sunday Night. got back around 1:30 am. Darlene took the kids to school so all I had to do was get myself to work.

Isaac had a good time at Kathy's house. She said he was the perfect gentleman. Good news on the Isaac front. He is unable to go to the McGavick homecoming because he's not in the student body. So God really answered that prayer. I'm still praying for a breakthrough...