flannery o'connor in "habit of being"

All life is a holy festival.

eulogy of a concept (a poem after viewing "Remains of the Day")

illusions,
the unspoken dance into a world never realized
a world of high orchestra and last moment rescues
this world
i now know, is at peace
the preamble of mercy and touch
of the soft, pure glance into the eyes of certain sustained release
places where growth is something expected
and the heroworld of swords and stones,
of camelots and quiet understanding
whispers
final glory
it died sometime ago but i never mourned it properly
no stone at the head of it final resting place
simply an invisible memorial
i stand by and smile. (this is true.)
i smile, half-relieved,
the pulse continues
i can get on with life now.
a life of surrender
knowing now that sacrifice
will lead to resurrection
and unconditional love
yes
will lead to peace

today's literary term

chiasmus!

chiasmus (ky-AZ-mus) n .
a reversal in the order of words
in two otherwise parallel phrases.
chiastic adj

Church failed mankind,
or has mankind failed the Church?"
-- T. S. Eliot

"And what should they know of England
who only England know?"
-- Rudyard Kipling

"Is getting well ever an art
Or art a way to get well?"
-- Robert Lowell

"When water turns to ice does it
remember one time it was
water?
When ice turns back into
water does it remember it was
ice?"
-- Carl Sandburg

great G.K.C. thanksgiving quote

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
G.K. Chesterton

dreams in the absence of activity

i've actually had free time which leads to wierd poetry about spam and READING! and not just the reading because I have to. I've been reading things that I've wanted to read for some time now- like the library book that frank chewed up and i had to buy-- flannery o'connor : a life. in this biography i discovered a place called yaddo. It's a residence for writers where flannery began her writing career. Robert Lowell was there at the same time. amazing... to be a fly on the typewriter... I began thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a place like that for young christian writers/artists...

i'll put that on the top of my list of things to do if i ever inherit an obscene amount of money and totally solve the whole world hunger issue.

this has been a great time of rest after a very diffult few weeks of work and life. i am, however looking forward to getting back to the business at hand. so much to do at work. but i'll refrain for a couple more days because i know that i need time away from the seventh floor of baptistville.

i'll be preaching again sunday night at that little church where i spoke last sunday morning. i planned to do some home repair and clean-up but i felt like the family just needed to enjoy the day, and that we did. i haven't left the house except to drop nathan off at a friend's to spend the night. it's been good, though. two mornings in a row i simply got up without that irritating alarm buzzing. well, flannery's life is calling and i must get the most out of this expensive library book that i now own. (thanks frank.)

spam opera (a cyberspace poem)

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gain hair
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please don't stop the luck
and enlarge
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i want to meet you
(i have a million or so dollars to give
to any american)
reply soon
and with your ss card.
if you are a christian
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don't waste your time
don't linger with cheap immitations
sexy pics
and a real estate blitz
de-scramble your cable and get payperviewmovies for free
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use this patch for bugs
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and a free ps2
dancing bush
moonwalking sadam
scientific formulaaaaaaa
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(click here to unsubscribe.)

what drives my ministry?

in my garage i'm amazed at the drivers i see waiting to get behind the wheel and take me away. They say, "Hop in! We want to take you to some of our favorite places!"

Fear loves to drive. He keeps me from saying and doing things that go against the tide. He always keeps one foot on the brake and rarely goes over school zone speed. When flooded by fear, ministry refuses to start. When not proceeding with caution, Fear loves to drive in reverse and when the road gets rough, fear will ultimately drive ministry into long term parking, content with earthbound spectatorship.

at times my ministry has been driven by money. Money is always there when I wake up. He wants to make sure I don't do anything that will compromise his position. Every time a new challenge or an opportunity to really go somewhere arises, money will stop the car and simply wave at the crowd. Looking good is much more important than actually getting in ministry according to Money.

Reputation is another driver I meet in the garage. If he drives, he'll only drive where other ministries can see us. He never takes time to help broken down ministries and always dreams of receiving public praise and a good seat at the conventions and churches that ministry takes him.

Escapism wants to drive my ministry during off-road excursions. Escapism wants to forget about the daily nature of the journey-constantly wanting to outrun reality and responsibility. Escapism is looking for a place to get off track and go joyriding through the forbidden gates of my own area 51. It's a mysterious place that always asks "what if"

Every morning, every day, they hang out around the fender waiting for me to toss them the keys to my ministry. Together they chant, "Road Trip, Road Trip! ROAD TRIP!"

Every driver backs away when the real driver steps up. He knows exactly where my ministry must take me: to the cross of Christ.

cold night

today was a great alone day. the phone didn't ring. most scampering out early for family. i'm so thankful that we are experiencing a time to regroup. tomorrow we'll eat some traditional thanksgiving stuff and i hope to do some fun things with the kids. watched a portion of "age of innocence" a powerful study on the conflict between passion and obligation. can the two coexist? i believe they must. passion is hard work and very few people realize that. most see it as a wild heart, over-ruling logic and patience. i don't believe so. passion is to be kindled in the midst of the storm of life. mostpeople choose to either live stupidly and glibly. God save me from those two dark forces.

wolfgang simson from "houses that change the world" wolfgang simson from "houses that change the world"

"The image of much contemporary christianity could be summarized as holy people coming regularly to a holy place on a holy day at a holy hour to participate in a holy ritual led by a holy man dressed in holy clothes for a holy fee. Since this regular performance-oriented enterprise called 'worship service' requires a lot of organizational talent and administrative bureaucracy, formalized and institutionalized patterns developed quickly into rigid traditions. Statistically, a traditional one or two hour 'worship service' is very resource hungry but produces very little fruit in terms of discipling people, i.e. in changing their lives. Economically, it is a 'high input, low output' structure. Traditionally, the desire to worship 'in the right way' has led to much deominationalism, confessionalism and nominalism. This not only ignores the fact that Christians are called to worship 'in spirit and in truth', rather than in cathedrals holding songbooks. It also ignores the fact that mots of life is informal, and so too is Christianity as 'the Way of Life'. Do we need to change from being powerful actors and start acting powerfully?"

life is rich

i'm so thankful today for life itself. it truly is a mystery and i can't wait to see where it leads. i'm thankful that life is not perfectly boring or boringly perfect. it is a school for eternity. i'm thankful that i went a year without any major emotional sickness. i'm thankful for a community of friends and family. i'm thankful that i still have a job. i'm thankful for the heores that are on my wall, rich mullins, g.k chesterton, corrie ten boom, d. bonhoffer, james hudson taylor, t.s. elliot, c.s. lewis, william cowper, mother teressa, billy sunday, oswald chambers, lottie moon, isaac watts. they remind me of the torch in our hands.

i'm thankfull for a healthy family and for all i'm learning through isaac. i'm thankful for moments of peace. and strength in times of discord and anxiety.

i'm thankful for a people who remind me of my purpose.

i'm thankful for a relentless Lord who stooped down and rescued me.

today's left brain history-- school's out

which means tomorrow morning i won't have to run to meigs downtown, then CPA and then to work. this morning i left around 6:30 and finally got to work at 8:25. ugg...

there were the wrecks on the interstates and i got to see most of the fall-out first hand.

i had lunch with chris in the cafe and visited with david f.

great prayer time with david elliot this morning. much of my time today was spent on proposal work.

i'm praying that this will be a restful time for the family. we are in need of peace in the worst way.

grace unnoticed

deep within her soul
a longing for belonging
a start of a beginning
resplendent eyes- dark
tears
coursing from her eyes
down to the fair desolation of her mouth
deeply, beyond hope
needing, beyond thought
a touch of truth
an act of solitary grace
that makes her alive
that keeps her
watching
waiting
for dawn
while the royal splendor
of love continues to echo
toward the threshold of
her true place of rest.

monday, monday

monday monday...


i'm back...not much blogging or journaling over the weekend. spoke at saulsbury baptist church near lebenon, tennessee, around a 25 minute drive. it was a beautiful morning to be on the road. the hills of lebenon... cows out early and spring-like weather. i preached on the wedding feast in Canaan and one of my favorite commands in the Bible. Mary to the servants, "Do whatever He asks you to do." great advise. I also love the metaphor that Jesus chose when he used those clay pots to hold the newly created wine.

the small group of believers there were so gracious. probably around 25. i simply did the service and left. i return next sunday night.

at around 2:30 darlene and I left for first baptist kingston to do their thanksgiving banquet. total opposite of the morning experience. around 450 people around tables in the activities center. they had the stage right in the middle. we had handheld mics and tried to rotate ourselves as much as possible. don't know how effective it was but it made the night very memorable. this was our second time at first kingston. great church.

stuff we did:
peculiar people
anniversary to remember
looks
paint on the wall
reasons why
leaves
j3:16


it was fun getting comments on my last post from my two beloved sisters.

today, i worked on a new strategy for web development @ lifeway and returned several calls.

spring let's worship

i received the editor's copy. SPRING. it just turned cold! sometimes it blows my mind how far in advance we work.

yesterday's encounter

He was disgusted that I would show up on the street next to his car. I think he expected that after he screamed at me for something that I didn't do that I'd walk on the other side of the street until one of us moved off of the block. I had the normal male ego fantasies of a Gresham court scene... justice would prevail. I was hurt and very, very angry but i did get a word. It had to be from God because i certainly didn't want to do it. i purchased a 30-dollar gift certificate to a grill nearby.

He ignored me as a stood beside the car but finally he rolled down the window.

"What do you want"

"I was impressed by God that i should give this to you."

What is it? he said treating it as if i was capable of biological terrorism.
"It's a gift certificate."

He took it, looked at it, and then said with a forced, sarcastic smile, "Thanks but I don't want your gift certificate."

"You don't understand. This isn't mine- its yours."

he tried to hand it back

but then seeing that I wouldn't receive it, he tossed the gift certificate in the road, rolled the window and sat in his car fuming.

at that moment i experienced a spiritual release.

So what about the gift? i'm not a saint. i went inside my house and fixed my eyes on the gift certificate in the middle of the road. 30 bucks... he sat there in the car for a long time... but finally he went out and picked up the card and brought it in.

I pray God will use this gift as a tool of grace.

i can't wait....

to see what God will do through the passion movie which is coming out on 2/25/04. I just left a meeting where outreach inc. presented publicity strategies. they think, and i do as well, that this film could be a key landmark event in the history of the Church.

travelogue

Listening to old DA Vox Humana
Going to a meeting on Church Bulletins... thrilling...
getting another family meeting together tonight.
decided that now is the time to sell the house.
michael jackson in trouble (big surprise there.)
lunch at Jack BBQ
mind wandering
tired emotionally
is there a cosmic anomoly I could fold into, Lord?
didn't sleep much last night
work up at 4:05 am
meeting T minus 2 minutes and counting.
God is still on the throne.

WAC 2005

Back home after a quiet day at work. I'm still working on a Worship Arts Conference for 2005 Spring. We plan so far in advance at lifeway.

Entertained a few called and hosted a meeting on how Lifeway's web presence could create synergy for lifeways magazines. Nathan is at dance and I'm thrilled to have a little time here at the house for a moment to do idle stuff (such as posting this blog.) I set up my prayer blog before I went home. Picked up Jacob at Miegs. That's about it I guess.

Fredrick Beuchner says...

Literature, painting, music—the most basic lesson that all art teaches us is to stop, look, and listen to life on this planet, including our own lives, as a vastly richer, deeper, more mysterious business than most of the time it ever occurs to us to suspect as we bumble along from day to day on automatic pilot. (Fredrick Beuchner. Whistling in the Dark)

reality check reality check reality check

Yesterday evening was a reminder that Isaac has a long way to go in regard to his development spiritually. Still not on track. I don't know what it's going to take to see him come into right relationship with God.

Lord,

Today I'm discouraged and disillusioned. What are you doing here?

Emotional exhaustion is my greatest enemy it seems. I want to be obedient and true to him as a parent. But there is another side of me that just wants to ship him out of the country. He really hasn't done anything bad. It's just this blasted attitude of ungratefulness that kills me. It don’t want to go down the road that his world view will take us and I know now that beyond a real word from You, he’ll remain in this far country.

Psalm of a new man

said men to creator
no time to talk
the blur of code and meter
replacing the gaze into the eyes of needful children
this indeed is the torrent of the age
the desperation of a solitary form
surrounded, yes, enveloped by hollow souls
that shuffle through the carnival
of closet sins and forbidden alleys
the madness of concrete
that hide the paths ripe with shades of furtive green
the towers of steel that rise in false eclipse
of the melodic choir of mountains
and the depths of unseen oceans
too vast (this is true)
too old (always new)
His Name
Abba Artist
is whispered in the untamed ballet of forrests
and the reckless brush-stroke of rushing rivers
God, may the stones be silent
as I shout
You
only You, I bless
are true
and right
and pure
and
yes...

conflict is not my thing...

today was a day when outside forces brought conflict to our family. I've spent lots of time on the phone and a great deal of time praying trying to confront carefully. I hate this. I'm no good at it. I actually think I have a conflict allergy. My mouth gets dry and I run hot and cold. I just pray for peace and for wisdom. I've grown up with the world view of peace at any cost, but that doesn't exactly work all the time. Most of this stuff is hard copy journal stuff and I've been doing plenty of that. I know though that we've experienced injustice and I have to put the "big boy britches" on :-)

reflections on Isaiah 1:9

i asked for multitude
God gave me a remnant
i asked for comfort.
God gave me a cross
I asked for control
God showed me a whirlwind

Who says God doesn't answer prayers?

He roars and we flee the rich lands of Gomorah
He shouts and his children run
from the no-looking-back, armagedon of earthly reward,
these are his people.
not the strong,
not the beautiful,
not the logical,
not the whole
but the trembling,
God chasing,
desperate
remnant.

inner-monologue

It's so hard for me to just go to church. I know a lot of it is flesh and I'm trying to play through it. My dad has the same deal. After being in ministry for so long and preaching 150 times a year I tend to become a consumate 5th pew quarterback. So today I went to Sunday School and church trying to focus on God but still feeling very distracted by my constant inner-monologue.

This church is where we need to be for the kids but I feel an estrangement from everyone here. the focus seems to be on institutional achievement and not authenticity and worship. I was thinking that this would be our day to join but I just couldn't. So maybe next week.


Posted by Tullos at 6:07 pm
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one more yaconelli quote

"Rest is the ultimate humiliation because in order to rest, we must admit we are not necessary,
that the world can get along without us, that God's work does not depend on us."
Mike Yaconelli

being a child of the 70s...




it would be don henley that would sing the lyrics inside my head re: my eldest son

there are people in your life
who've come and gone
they let you down
they hurt your pride
you got to put it all behind you
'cause life goes on
you keep carryin' all that anger
it'll eat you up inside.
....

I think it's about forgiveness
even if you don't love me anymore...

morning prayer

Father,

I celebrate You today.
Focus us on Your word this morning. transform us. Make the reality of your presence consume my sons. Protect us from conflict or distraction that would keep us from Your voice.


Posted by Tullos at 8:59 am

prayers

Father,

this is your day. you said ask and keep on asking, so here I am again. change me into Your likeness. drive away doubt and seditary attitudes. i'm so grateful that you call me son. i pray for isaac who is taking very small but important steps toward You. i surrender to you concerning my son. i confess that i am not, nor will i ever be the hero in his redemption. You are champion of all change.


Posted by Tullos at 10:00 am

i'm an old fart

decompressing at home. i bit down on a pen and pulled a muscle in my jaw. age... any day now i could be put away in assisted living. picking up isaac at school today i'm reminded of how old a guy i am becoming. the students have a look on their face.. i can read it easily now. the look says, "somebody's dad."


mtullos@lifeway.com

Friday's Happenings

Working with Stan Loyd on a worship conference idea.

Last night I spent about thirty minutes being a monkey with Caleb. He learned a new activity song which lended me the grand opportunity to swing my arm and fall to the ground. (I'm getting a little old for the activity songs but it makes him very happy.

Father, I say thank you for a normal week, no major crisis with the kids. I pray for a covering of protection for all of them. Jacob: I pray organization. Nathan: I pray for strength and emotional toughness. For Isaac: I pray for godly companions. For Caleb: I pray for either the ability to fly or protection from bodily harm as he practises gravity defying stunts while we aren't looking. Bring him down to earth. (but not too hard)

Posted by Tullos at 9:44 am
No comment was posted (add)

Reflections of Isaiah

Isaiah 1:2-3

(The courts of the heavenlies rise at the appearance of God Almighty. But this is voice of a father speaking to a rebellious son.)

To whom it may concern,

I've fed you from the table of my blessing
I've sheltered you in the house of mercy
and yet you run away.
Even animals come at the call of their name,
but not my own son.
This same one who followed me
through the rushing sea
to complete safety
the one who listened for me
who waited for me
Now...
nothing.
It's like you don't even know me, son.
Now just hear me out please.
consider my words
says Father God.

reflections on John 2:2

"And Jesus and his disciples were invited to the wedding."
There is something encouraging in this short verse! When I invite Jesus to a celebration he comes.



Dear Jesus

I request your presence.
Anything I celebrate away from you is empty
you don't have to bring gifts
because it always seems like you take the ordinary of my life
and turn it into awesome imaginative pure and undeniable
...YES
I wait by the door
Even though my house is full
You see, Jesus
We aren't starting without you.



Posted by Tullos at 11:37 am
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200 years old but incredible...

The tree of life my soul hath seen,
Laden with fruit and always green:
The trees of nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the apple tree.

His beauty doth all things excel:
By faith I know, but ne'er can tell
The glory which I now can see
In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

I'm weary with my former toil,
Here I will sit and rest awhile:
Under the shadow I will be,
Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive,
It keeps my dying faith alive;
Which makes my soul in hasate to be
With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought,
And pleasure dearly I have bought:
I missed of all; but now I see
'Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

Anonymous
collection of Joshua Smith
New Hampshire
1784

petitions

drench me in your grace
hide me from the shadows of the valley
keep me focused on your face
keep my mind and heart pure before You
lift me up beyond my own wickedness
consume me with Your rest.
let the river of forgiveness flow through me into the lives of my enemies
keep me focused on the race.
sharpen my eyes to the power of your blood bought mercy
make me an instrument, a vessel, a soldier
prepare me for the challenge in front of me today.
remind me of the moments You saved me.
help me recount Your mighty acts.


Posted by Tullos at 1:47 pm
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random synapses

born in 63
Baton Rouge General
third of 4
five weeks old when the shots rang out.
moved to California,
Dad driving 95 across the desert
My little head poking out the window laughing
just laughing
i remembered a picnic and hippies
they smoked banana peels i was told
I remember a drive-in movie and swings
The mouse just behind my back yard.
disney firworks and an old tinkerbell
Dobie G. reruns
having to take naps with the girls
while the older guys got to play.
i remember the move to alex
karey and wayne
spending hours at the ho-jo swiming pool.
lynn and charlie.
and 2nd grade
julie- she was the eye doctor's daughter
i never told her that i wanted to marry
and Koncrite on the monroe station
every night recounting how many died
in a place called vietnam
remember my grandfathers cow whip
I remember his labored breath
Oh God, don't let him die.
I sat there in the hospital room
spent the night.
the first night ever alone in that room.
first night i felt like a little man
it just felt right.
I remember his wrinkled tough hand reaching out
and rubbing my thumb
that's what i remember
not much
scattered
random
but mine.

Thomas Kelly on busy-ness

“I find that God never leads us into an intolerable scramble of panting feverishness.”

Thomas Kelly

Enjoying the Music

Danny sent me a ton of music that I’m enjoying immensely. Caleb and I do a combination of dance and wrestling as we sample the tunes!

accountant or a father

His eyes shifted between the hospice nurse and a half-filled white plastic cup of water.
I thirst; he thought but could not speak.
His hands trembling
Outside the day was spectacular.
a day where young boys would play football
in the fluttering, winsome leaves
and lovers would walk and talk of everything/nothing at all.
his heart beat strangely audible to him but no one else.
his breathing labored and hot
icy fear was blanketing his thoughts.
Shivering and alone he thought about his first few years
the what-ifs and whys
the times he galloped through the wilderness of his youth
strong
unbroken
eternally alive (it seemed, then)
no thought of this present moment.
(he had heard the hushed voices outside his room-
This was his week to die.)
His childhood knew nothing of the coming war, divorce,
and the death of a close friend.
(suicide)
But the waves of reality slowly washed the years toward this great formidable day.
Alone he lay
scared as hell. (waiting to know the import of that word)
he closed his eyes.
his fingers curled and tightened
as if holding desperately to the last strand of life.
the rattling medley of death had begun.
agony
"Into thy hands"
he wished, wondering if God was an accountant or a father
he surrendered
utter silence
peace
love lifted me
he sang
down the halls of Zion.
the answer: Father

the Kindred
A lonely walk through the cacophony of hollow voices
and i am seeking refuge
in the arms of the illusive.
still the familiar pain
that now seems a comfortable ache
intimate in the grasp of the nowhere no one
too tired to weep
too cold to mourn the graves of broken dreams
I want to look deeply in the eyes of a truth
"Oh fearful-one be still"
Carry me into the enfolding
touch, taste, sound
unbridled understanding
unabandoned, careless discovery
of something silent, still and good.
Is there such a place, Sweet Jesus?
Is hand-in-hand sweet rest a place my feet will take me?
The same moon that bore the birth of grace in tender Bethlehem,
that shone brightly above the storm of Calvary,
Now in this "My God, My God" forsaken love song
echoing through the crimson haze of bloodsweat praying.
Mother me, Oh God of lost things.
carry me home
beyond the wondering lost regions of my tears.
Flood my broken spirit
with your boundless fertile
garden of peace and rest.
amen.
mtullos@lifeway.com

Dance Stop!

This dancing deal is becoming a nightly thing with Caleb. Picked up Isaac from school as usual. Now I'm home waiting, praying for a cold front! I'm burning up. It's always been my dream to live further north.

Today, I finished my first run-through on the Summer "Let's Worship" Veterans day parade downtown. I had a great view from my 7th floor window but it looked like there were more marchers than watchers. We have these ladies called, "Women in Black" the stand on the bridge every other day to protest the war. They were noticably absent. I wonder...

Dayeinu

I adapted this for the NCAF
During the time of Passover, Israel’s families would gather together for that holy celebration where they would reflect on the grace of Jehovah. They would use a traditional chant called Dayeinu- meaning "it would have been enough for us!" The Father of the home would recount each blessing from God and the family would, after each statement say together, "It would have been enough for us"
I
Had he brought us out of Egypt and not executed judgement against the murderers of our people
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them and not destroyed their idols
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them, destroyed their idols and not defeated our captors.
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them, destroyed their idols, defeated our captors, and not returned our possessions to us...
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them, destroyed their idols, defeated our captors, returned our possessions to us...and not divided the sea for us...
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them, destroyed their idols, defeated our captors, returned our possessions to us, divided the sea for us and not brought us through it with dry feet...
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them, destroyed their idols, defeated our captors, returned our possessions to us, divided the sea for us, brought us through it with dry feet and not drowned our oppressors in it...
It would have been enough for us.
Had he brought us out of Egypt, executed judgement against them, destroyed their idols, defeated our captors, returned our possessions to us divided the sea for us, brought us through it with dry feet, drowned our oppressors in it and not brought us to dwell in a holy land...
It would have been enough for us.
But He did! He did! He did!
II
God’s grace continues through the ages. It reaches out from the pages of scripture to the Holy Body of Christ. God’s people meet, celebrate, bread and worship a God who continues to give more than we would ever be able to ask or think. Let us speak a Dayeinu of the new covenant.
If He would have given Jesus but not promise us Eternal Life
It would have been enough for us.
If He would have given us Jesus, promised us eternal Life and not give us the promise of His Spirit.
It would have been enough for us.
If He would have given Jesus, promised us eternal life, given us the promise of his Spirit, and not comforted us during times of hardship and terror.
It would have been enough
If He would have given Jesus, promised us eternal life, given us the promise of his Spirit, comforted us in times of terror and had not stopped our adversaries
It would have been enough for us.
If He would have given Jesus, promised us eternal life, given us the promise of his Spirit, comforted us in times of terror, stopped our adversaries and not given us the signs of Christ’s swift return
It would have been enough for us.
If He would have given Jesus, promised us eternal life, given us the promise of his Spirit, comforted us in times of terror, stopped our adversaries, given us signs of His soon coming kingdom And not promised us a house with many rooms.
It would have been enough for us.
But He did. He did! He did!
- posted by Matt @ 11/6/2003 02:38:08 PM
Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Posted by Tullos at 10 : 44 am | Leave a note {0}

Adam

Father reached downward
from heights unknown
delicate
awakening
moving
surrounded by angels
this first free-will creation
cherished moment
heart searching to love
a romance
penned only by the watchful eyes of God
overwhelmed by tender, helpless, lonely man.
- posted by Matt @ 11/5/2003 05:06:25 PM

Posted by Tullos at 6 : 43 pm | Leave a note {0}
Isaac of Ninevah
Outward Expressions of Prayer
Isaac of N. claims that reverential outward postures are conducive to one’s inward progress towards pure prayer. It is not God who needs external signs of reverence; rather, a reverential outward posture is necessary for us so that we may be trained in attitude to God.
- posted by Matt @ 11/5/2003 04:02:27 PM

Quote from Isaac of Nineveh
"Any man that delights in a multitude of words, even though he says admirable words, is empty within. if you love truth, love silence. Silence, like the sun, will illuminate you in God."
- posted by Matt @ 11/5/2003 03:50:01 PM

Posted by Tullos at 4 : 42 pm | Leave a note {0}
Isaiah

I'm amazed once again with supernatural timing as I read these words in Isaiah 35:4
Say to those who are fearful-hearted (me)
"Be strong- do not fear!
Behold your God will come with vengence
(Everyone needs an angry God at some point. I remember when my brother (a foot taller than me) saved me from a 2nd grade jerk.))
With the recompense of God. (He will give the devil what due him.)
He WILL come and save you (emphasis mine)
Then the eyes of the blind (my beloved son) will see.
The ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.
- posted by Matt @ 11/5/2003 03:09:45 PM

This is nashville today. pretty britanical, huh?

I'm amazed once again with supernatural timing as I read these words in Isaiah 35:4

Say to those who are fearful-hearted (me)
"Be strong- do not fear!
Behold your God will come with vengence

(Everyone needs an angry God at some point. I remember when my brother (a foot taller than me) saved me from a 2nd grade jerk.))

With the recompense of God. (He will give the devil what due him.)
He WILL come and save you (emphasis mine)
Then the eyes of the blind (my beloved son) will see.
The ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.

various things

To be a pleaser
Over the past two days I have come face to face once again with my own wickedness manifested in the lust to please people. Not for the sake of pleasing God. The people pleaser seeks to please in order to receive love. It is a terminal carnality that eats away the divine call to Christlikeness.
Lord, I confess this nature which is indeed a self-inflicted thorn. Trying to build up my own personal kingdom of love through the system of IOU.
mtullos@lifeway.com
- posted by Matt @ 11/4/2003 10:09:33 AM
Monday, November 03, 2003

comings and goings....
Today was a slow day of work. I'm still here. Planning to work on the Animation project for TM412 tonight. Clint McElroy is in town. Sounded like he was in the middle of a remote when I called. We're hoping to get together sometime this week to visit.
I'm also trying to prepare for my trip to NC this weekend. I'm really not looking forward to it like I usually would, perhaps because of all that is happening in my life here in Nashville.
As crazy as this sounds to me, I'm considering finding an interim pastorate. Darlene called and said she's really struggling today with Isaac's attitude toward her. We just have to remind ourselves that sometimes being the enemy of our kids desires is not a bad thing to be.
Jacob is having some grade woes. It's true what they say about where apples fall.
The highlight of the day was eating at the calypso cafe and buying a book "Contemplative Prayer" by Thomas Merton. Yes, flew under the baptist radar and smuggled it into Lifeway!
Feeling a bit like the egg man.
That's all for now... coo-coo ka- ju
- posted by Matt @ 11/3/2003 03:59:59 PM

Isaiah 45: 11 a unique word from God
"Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Isreal "Ask me of the things to come concerning my sons."
- posted by Matt @ 11/3/2003 03:02:24 PM

Isaiah 50:10
"Who is among you who reverently fears the Lord, who obeys the voice of His Servant, yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble and has no shining splendor in his heart? Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord, and let him lean upon and be supported by his God."
Matt,
There are going to be days that are actually nights. There will times when you can't see your hand in front of your face, much less, Mine. There will be times when the galant spendor of the Kingdon seems half a galaxy away. It is at that particular time that you must trust that I'm there even in the dark. You can't see me but know this- I see you."
- posted by Matt @ 11/3/2003 02:17:57 PM

Blake
"We are put on earth for a little space to bear the beams of love."
William Blake
- posted by Matt @ 11/3/2003 02:03:13 PM

Tough prayer to pray:
"Lord, if this thorn will bring me closer to you, please do NOT remove it."
- posted by Matt @ 11/3/2003 01:10:15 PM

To be a pleaser

Over the past two days I have come face to face once again with my own wickedness manifested in the lust to please people. Not for the sake of pleasing God. The people pleaser seeks to please in order to receive love. It is a terminal carnality that eats away the divine call to Christlikeness.

Lord, I confess this nature which is indeed a self-inflicted thorn. Trying to build up my own personal kingdom of love through the system of IOU.



mtullos@lifeway.com

comings and goings....

Today was a slow day of work. I'm still here. Planning to work on the Animation project for TM412 tonight. Clint McElroy is in town. Sounded like he was in the middle of a remote when I called. We're hoping to get together sometime this week to visit.

I'm also trying to prepare for my trip to NC this weekend. I'm really not looking forward to it like I usually would, perhaps because of all that is happening in my life here in Nashville.

As crazy as this sounds to me, I'm considering finding an interim pastorate. Darlene called and said she's really struggling today with Isaac's attitude toward her. We just have to remind ourselves that sometimes being the enemy of our kids desires is not a bad thing to be.

Jacob is having some grade woes. It's true what they say about where apples fall.

The highlight of the day was eating at the calypso cafe and buying a book "Contemplative Prayer" by Thomas Merton. Yes, flew under the baptist radar and smuggled it into Lifeway!

Feeling a bit like the egg man.

That's all for now... coo-coo ka- ju

Isaiah 45: 11 a unique word from God

"Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Isreal "Ask me of the things to come concerning my sons."

Isaiah 50:10

"Who is among you who reverently fears the Lord, who obeys the voice of His Servant, yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble and has no shining splendor in his heart? Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord, and let him lean upon and be supported by his God."

Matt,

There are going to be days that are actually nights. There will times when you can't see your hand in front of your face, much less, Mine. There will be times when the galant spendor of the Kingdon seems half a galaxy away. It is at that particular time that you must trust that I'm there even in the dark. You can't see me but know this- I see you."

Blake

"We are put on earth for a little space to bear the beams of love."

William Blake

Tough prayer to pray:

"Lord, if this thorn will bring me closer to you, please do NOT remove it."

Isaac's back from the Tennessee game with the Sunday School class. Lord, I pray that he'll continue to make connections. Cleaned out the car today and taped Caleb's Ninja moves.

A nothing day that was very valuable to my emotions.

I have itchy feet today for some reason. Lord, I repent. Constantly. Repenting. Fighting the bent of sinful thoughts... Worried, somewhat. Somewhat frustrated, feeling somewhat minor. Time to think. Wondering today where life will lead. Stupid thoughts like the circumstances of my death. All Saints day feeling unsaintlike. At this particular time.


mtullos@lifeway.com