Another Jewel from Benjamin Disraeli

The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.

first love quote~Benjamin Disraeli

"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end."

Good Night Lord

I pray for peace, understanding, and strength. Show me the majesty of your grace through shared burdens and total reliance upon you. wash away the burden and carnality of pride and self accomplishment. Bring me into your presence tomorrow with thanksgiving. I pray that you will abov everything else, be Jehovah, the Self Existent One Who Reveals Himself. Reveal Yourself, Father.

Lord, reveal yourself to Isaac. Make the truth of your word and the Beauty and peace that accompanies Your presence irresistable to him. Heal us all and restore the childlike passion for life that you have called me to experience.

Last Wednesday's Retreat Time

My Wednesday silent retreat was a half success. I did experience some visions and a two extended times to reflect. My thoughts however were convoluted by the buzz of a crowded city. I had an opportunity that morning to enter into "The Church of Saint Dionysius." It was everything you would imagine a greek orthodox church to be. Ornate paintings and decorations and quiet. I don't know very much about their faith other that they seem to be quite less iconoclastic than the Roman Catholic Churches. But still there was much kissing of the objects and paintings. I read through several Psalms and sat in silence, prayed and (much too my disappointment) I didn't have any great revelation. Wish I could say that the clouds parted, but that wouldn't exactly be true. I think the setting was too insecure and public for me to really let my guard down and open my ears fully to God. I then traveled up to the highest point of Athens. An old fortress of a monastery. Again in the heat I listened, prayed and waited on God, But the scurry around me made the retreat less lonely and therefore a hindrance to my goal. I did have time to pray and read and ponder but I don't think I can truly say that I succeeded in my goal. I am praying for a second chance and a better opportunity.

I have more stories to record for my own remembrance but the night is gone.

Sampling carpet cleaners (Warning: gross)

Tonight Caleb gave me the opportunity to sample a few carpet cleaners. As 8 year olds are prone to do from time to time, Caleb had a little too much chocolate milk and ice cream after supper and we saw it all again in the den which afforded me the chance to perform my marital duties: Vomit clean-up, Just finished and I'm amazed at the products that we have. Within around 10 minutes of scooping, spraying, and scrubbing the carpet looks almost fresh and the smell is quite pleasing.

My gag reflex engaged only mildly twice. I'm sure this entry will not recieve high marks from any readers but i had such an overwhelming sense of accomplishment I had to blog-the-moment.

stressed, tired, relieved, happy, worried, hurried

The human psyche is amazing.
Amazing that I could be all of these things at once.

stressed= being the parent of 4 boys and keeping the pace with them

Tired= running now on 4 hours of sleep. My temple is vibrating and the circus isn't over. Tomorrow I go to Montgomery, Alabama for a video taping tomorrow.

Relieved= Isaac was late last night but he was OK. (long story I might blog tonight.)

Happy= lifemarriagejobcityministrychurch is shooting on all cylinders.

Worried= I can find things to worry about without any provocation. My personal thorn. Paul asked three times. I stopped counting at 3,498,231.

Hurried= check the time of this post. I’ve got to get home.

this bruce cockburn lyric has come to mean so much to me over the past few days...

Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend

signs of insanity

Blog: Where the heck have you been.

Matt: I've been busy.

Blog: I've been worried sick. You didn't post at all from the time you left Greece until now.

Matt: You don't know what it's like for us people.

Blog: That is so condescending. Just because I reside on some server doesn't mean I can avoid the feelings of being totally ignored. Where is this relationship going?

Matt: Look I'm sorry I'll try to post more. I might even spell check.

Blog: See now you are patronizing me!

Matt: I'm not!

Blog: Are!

Matt: Not !

Blog: Are!

the streets of athens observed

running through the heat of ever never...
turning and watching
as the beat of hearts continue
under the skin of man waiting,
finding,
feasting on the poison of distraction-
tenderly turning just a shadow--
pressing forward,
the forgotten mystery-
peering into the dust to dust reality-
illusion of desire--
the shades are filled with the tired and wealthy-
beggars and kings,
wreaths of perishable gold,
gods of the ancient-
like snakes skulking through the alleys -
never far from the pit of death
true deception
true lies
touch and go
and the rhythmic legions converge
refrain from the backward glance
and the salty ruins.

getting going

Back in the marketplace... Last night I slept well. Looking forward to the flight back already. We've experience a teaspoon of almost every culture in the world. the sexual aspect of the culture seems even thicker here in Greece than it is in America. But overall we aren't far behind. You have to guard your eyes carefully as you walk through the mass of postcards, jewels and people. I've grown also to appreciate privacy. It's been like going to college in a big dorm room holing scores of guys, walking to the showers and then creeping with the lights off among the sounds of nose-whistling and snoring.

Chris Turner's WMU Article

WMU’s first international collegiate team
makes a difference at Olympics through relationships

By Chris Turner

ATHENS, Greece—Short sentences, sign language, broken English and speaking louder are all methods employed as an attempt to successfully communicate cross-culturally. It is, however, possible to miss the obvious while engaged in vocal contortions.

A team of college students sponsored by Woman’s Missionary Union could tell by the expression on the man’s face to whom they were speaking that they weren’t communicating. They missed the obvious. He too was an American, working as security for the U.S. women’s softball team.

“They had just finished playing and we were trying to get autographs,” said Melody Maxwell, a WMU student ministry associate and the team’s co-leader, “and we were trying to ask him if he could help us out. He finally told us in plain English he told us he could. We’d been trying so hard to communicate with so many peoples of different nationalities throughout the week we didn’t realize the guy spoke English.”

The six collegiates ladies and their leaders did more than just speak to people, they built relationships and sowed a ton of spiritual seeds. It was the first time in its long prestigious history that WMU has sponsored an international missions trip specifically for college students.

“At one point early in the week we made a list of all the different people we’d talked to and we came up with 25 to 30 different nationalities,” said Kimberly Cole, 20, of Brandon, Miss., and a student at Minnesota State University. “It was awesome because we realized that we were having the chance to touch the whole world with the message of Christ right here in Greece.”

The team used ballooning in the park, volleyball on the beach, went with garbage collectors to pick up trash in a neighborhood and many other types of creative ministry approaches to engage people in conversation. Conversations eventually moved to recording contact information that will eventually find itself in the hands of either missionaries or national believers for the purpose of follow-up. One of the most important lessons the six girls learned is that ministry opportunities continue even when not formally planned.

“We wanted them to understand that every meeting with a person is an opportunity to share Christ’s love,” said Kym Mitchell, WMU design editor and team leaders for WMU’s student resource team. “Simply engaging people in conversation can lead to opportunities to minister. We wanted them to learn that they can take that home with them and apply that concept right where they are.”

That includes shopping. The group returned repeatedly to one location in particular and on each visit spent time talking to the lady who owned the shop. She wept on the last day when the team stopped in to say goodbye.

“This was an awesome experience,” said Christie Ganly, 21, of Bonifay, Fla., and a recent graduate of Mississippi College. Ganly will soon leave for Peru where she’ll serve as a Journeyman missionary with the International Mission Board. “You could tell we connected with her. I just have a passion for the peoples of the world and here at the Olympics they come to you.”

Taking collegiate women on international trips is a new approach for WMU and one it will continue in the future.

“We have something for young ladies all the way through high school but then they all move into and adult grouping,” said Mitchell. “We decided about a year ago that we wanted to have something that specifically focused on collegiate women and this trip is the beginning of that vision.

“One of our purposes is to train women of all ages to share the gospel around the world and at home. We’ll continue to do international trips and trips within the United States. It gives them the opportunity to understand ministry from many perspectives.”

More information can be found at www.missionsinterchange.com.

A biblical principle remedies the world’s biggest social and political problem

By Chris Turner

Several hundred people assembled Sunday night in one of the many amphitheatres that dot the Athenian cityscape to publicly take an international stand in support of sexual abstinence until after marriage. Ironic, considering that just a few blocks away in the Olympic village the athletes were at the midway point of what amounts to a two-week international orgy.

What else could it be called when more than 130,000 condoms were supplied to the 17,000 participating athletes? The quantity is projected to remedy the shortage of available condoms that resulted during the 2000 Sydney Games when an emergency shipment of 20,000 had to be flown in during the last week.

The theatre rally in Greece was led by members of LifeWay Christian Resources’ True Love Waits ministry team. More than 3 million American young people have pledged to remain abstinent in the 10 years since True Love Waits began. The ministry is truly changing lives and impacting cultures. There have been significant moral shifts among the young people of the world in countries like Uganda, South Africa, Thailand, the Philippines and Guyana. Many of those countries have been AIDS ravaged, but True Love Waits has been a beacon of hope across a landscape of endless death. Results in places like Uganda, where the number of newly diagnosed cases of AIDS has decreased more than 30 percent, prove the fallacy that a public policy whose cornerstone is financial aid is ineffective and misses the deeper issue. The problem is spiritual.

The Bush Administration committed more than $15 billion to fight AIDS in Africa and recently earmarked an additional $3 billion for Vietnam. Some of that money is specifically designated while much of it is left to the discretion of the governments. It’s dumping money into a black hole. The Clinton Administration six years ago threw $3 billion at Colombia to eradicate the drug trade and the guerrilla presence there. Money hasn’t changed the Colombian situation and money won’t change the AIDS crisis.

Unfortunately, too often Americans think the prescription that remedies the world’s ills comes in the color green. It’s an unoriginal solution. We—Americans—are too easily wowed by money sums like $15 billion. We shouldn’t be. I’ve traveled in enough third-world countries to whom we supposedly provide financial aid to know that much of what we contribute never makes it to the people who need it the most.

The world faces a sin problem, not public policy or even social problems. Most political liberals—and many conservatives—don’t see it that way, but what’s more, the United States, a supposedly “godly” nation, is at the epicenter of the sin business. Our nation lives a double standard. On the one hand we are trying to solve the world’s biggest crisis—the exploding AIDS epidemic—while being the world’s largest sex exporter.

A few years ago I stood outside the National Mosque in Dhaka, Bangladesh, and had a conversation with a middle-aged Muslim man who was a bank executive. He wanted me to tell him honestly what Americans thought of middle-eastern Muslims. I told him we generally thought they were all fanatics with bombs strapped to their bodies blowing up buses and Marine barracks. He vehemently denied the generalization. I returned the question. His impression of America was that we are a sex-crazed society infatuated with television’s Bay Watch and that we all had Pamela Anderson posters pasted on our bedroom walls. Indicting. One of the reasons we’re hated so much is because many countries see us as corrupting their cultures. Tough to argue the point when evidence shows we are also corrupting our own.

Organizations such as Planned Parenthood and the National Organization of Women worship the condom, seeing it as the solution for teen sexuality. The issue is not the condom but sexual promiscuity. Any proposed solution other than the one God outlines in the Bible—sex being within the boundaries of a marital relationship between one man and one woman—misses the mark. But why should we expect teens to understand that principle and act like something other than animals when we teach them that they’ve evolved from animals?

Wouldn’t it speak better of us across the globe if we invested in cultures—including our own—with an eye toward lasting change? Uganda was a dying country when International Mission Board missionaries Larry and Sharon Pumpelly introduced True Love Waits into that culture. A decade later there is hope. Young people can dream dreams and actually live to realize those dreams. That is true freedom and it is found only through a spiritual remedy that cures a social ill.

Abstinence is a call to a disciplined life based on a biblical precept. Bluntly stated, God expects His creation to practice self-control. That is a hard concept for a fallen world to comprehend, but true love truly does wait if we expect it to.

American—Christian—if you want to make the world a better place and want the rest of the world to respect us, then start by standing with those assembled in an amphitheatre in Athens, Greece. Start by taking a vocal and public stand in support of premarital sexual abstinence.

Chris Turner

True Love Waits makes Olympic debut;
World’s youth challenged with abstinence

By Chris Turner

ATHENS, Greece—The 10th anniversary of True Love Waits, a sexual abstinence ministry of LifeWay Christian Resources, culminated in the shadow of one of the ancient world’s most impressive ruins, and once a site of sexual indulgence.

Co-founders Richard Ross and Jimmy Hester called on the youth of the world to make a stand for sexual purity by remaining sexually abstinent until marriage. The event was held Sunday, Aug. 22, at the Dora Stratou Theatre located on the on a hill adjacent to the Acropolis, site of the Greek Parthenon. In addition to challenging the few hundred in attendance, the call to purity was webcast through www.truelovewaits.com and is still available for viewing.

The event was held in cooperation with Lay Witnesses for Christ International and featured Carl Lewis, voted the Greatest Olympian of the 20th Century.

Another aspect of the event was the arrival in Athens of more than 460,000 commitment to abstinence cards from youth in more than 20 countries, including 200,000-plus from South Africa. Several thousand more pledges were made but the cards were unable to arrive in Athens prior to the event. True Love Waits team members were informed of the additional cards through e-mail.

“I believe the diversity of countries from where we’ve received either cards or word of commitments made shows the global scope of True Love Waits,” said Hester, director of student ministry at LifeWay. “It has had a positive impact in cultures around the world and it is simple to understand why. True Love Waits is based on God’s biblical design for human sexuality. He intended for sex to be between a man and a woman and within the boundaries of marriage. That is the message we unapologetically proclaim here in Athens.”

The reason for having the event in Athens during the Olympics is to both celebrate the past 10 years and the more than 3 million American youth alone who have made an abstinence pledge through True Love Waits and to raise awareness for a biblical approach to abstinence. True Love Waits began in 1993 in response to requests from teenagers and their parents for some way to express their beliefs that people should remain sexually abstinent until marriage.

“You stand before a holy God today and you have to make a decision,” Ross challenged the audience. “Do you love God to the point where you are willing to set yourself apart from what the world is doing so that you can be a holy vessel through which He can work?”

Ross’ message was similar to the challenge issued by Lewis, saying “set yourself apart in your group by being a leader and not giving in to what others are doing.”

Hester said the international setting was an appropriate place to “celebrate” the success of True Love Waits because of how the ministry has spread globally. It was introduced into Uganda 10 years ago and is credited by Ugandan First Lady Janet Musevani as the sole reason for the more than 30 percent decrease in the number of newly diagnosed cases of AIDS. The majority of True Love Waits’ global expansion has come in the past four years, having taken root in more than 85 countries. More than 100 organizations—secular and religious—have adopted True Love Waits to promote sexual abstinence.

Teenagers who pledge to remain sexually abstinent until marriage are 34 percent less likely to have sex than those who do not take virginity vows, according to a study published in 2001 by the American Journal of Sociology. The pledge works, the study suggested, because it creates an “identity movement” or “moral community” that provides peer support for the teen. It is an environment that Ross is hoping will take root in countries like Greece where abortion has become a legitimate form of birth control and the average teenage girl may have multiple abortions before she reaches age 25. Sixty-seven percent of sexually experienced teens in the U.S. say they wish they had waited longer before having sexual intercourse, according to a survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Ross believes a similar survey done in countries like Greece would reveal similar results.

“Sexual activity outside of marriage leads to all types of tragic consequences,” he said. “You can see the escalation around the world in sexually transmitted diseases and the AIDS crisis spiraling out of control. The very sad thing is that it is all very much avoidable if young people heed God’s biblical precepts. My prayer is that countries like Greece will be transformed because Christian young people make a moral stand and influence their peers not just for sexual purity but lead them to a personal relationship with Christ. The two are very much related.”

Additional information and photos regarding True Love Waits and the Athens 2004 event can be found at www.lifeway.com/news.

Mars Hill

on ancient roads
surrounded by the sound of babel's curse
i bear the burden of the unknown and the reality of nevermore
rocks recline against this dusty hill for centuries
crying out your name
because the vibration of humankind is stolen
by the flash and glare of the day
i wonder
and fear
i bend and bow.
i pray for a baptism of the greater kind.
amen.

a sigh of relief

the event ended last night and we all are breathing a bit easier. one of the cool things about this trip has been getting to hang out with Chris Turner. He has tons of great stories to tell from his international travel and finding himself knee deep in convention stuff.

last night we dined at a very, very, greek place. What a great chance to rest the blisters. Last night the dreaded foot ailment occured as we journeyed uphill for the event. i loaded myself down like a mule and tried to be a college student once again but time is a brutal teacher about the loss of youth. i think i must have had ten bottles of water as we did the event. there was a great deal of ego tension at some points during the day that saddened me.

the event is now live.

paul turner, rick, and steve went to the islands. i chose to stay in a rest.

Article on Bruce Gilley's death in tennessean

Gary Bruce Gilley Jr. decided to let his hair grow long while preparing for a new life in the almost-grown-up world of high school.

Just eight days into that world, the 14-year-old Murfreesboro freshman died of cardiac arrest Friday afternoon.

Known as Bruce to his family and friends, he had aspirations of doing great things on the Oakland High School cross country team and had just finished a five-mile run when he collapsed.

He was always the source of laughter and good times, one of his cousins said.

''He was really a good kid,'' recalled Vicki Smith of Woodbury. ''He was a very bright and intelligent child.''

Funeral services will be held at 10:30 a.m. Tuesday at Belle Aire Baptist Church, 1307 N. Rutherford Blvd., in Murfreesboro. Visitation will be 4-8 p.m. tomorrow at the church. In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that donations be made to the Belle Aire Baptist Church youth ministry.

Bruce, who lived with his parents Gary and Melissa Gilley in the Lascassas community, also leaves behind two older sisters, Rhiannon Gilley Baker and Ashley Gilley.

Yesterday, Oakland High School Principal Tim Tackett said he had spoken with the team's coach, Russ Rector, to understand what happened Friday.

Tackett said it was shortly after 4 p.m. when Bruce collapsed during a conversation with some teammates. He said emergency personnel arrived at the school and took the teen to the Middle Tennessee Medical Center in Murfreesboro as quickly as possible, but to no avail.

''It was only minutes between the time he got there and doctors told the family he was gone,'' Tackett said. ''They said he was already in arrest and there was nothing else they could do.''

Bruce did not have any ailments, Smith said. The family declined to comment on whether he had a check-up before beginning workouts with the team.

''The nature of cross country is strenuous,'' Tackett said. ''The workout Friday, as I understand it, was not as strenuous as it could have been. It was just one of those unfortunate things. Very unfortunate.''

Smith said the last time she saw her cousin was at their grandmother's birthday party.

''It was in June and he was there and we were all teasing him about his long hair. And he teased us back. That's just who he was.''

prayer for bruce's family

praying for the bruce gilley family- the student we used in tm412. yesterday i receive word via email that he died running track. no other details other than the fact that they had a memorial service yesterday. how i wish i could have been there. i enjoyed working with and knowing him. i can't imagine the shock and hurt of his family. 16 years old... Lord bring them peace.

Sunday Morning

The day has arrived and we're uploading the files for the pre-event show. Last night I looked over Rick's shoulders and watched him put it together. A real learning experience for me. I'm nervous about the transfer of the movie files but it seems to be going well. This internet cafe is really the best in Athens I've seen. Techno/soft music provides a rich ambiance.

about three months ago I felt God calling me to do a silent retreat somewhere, somehow and it just occurred to me yesterday that after the event I'll have a great chance to do it hear. I pray for protection as I go out into the mountains of this ancient place to listen to God. Wow! What an exciting place to hear Him speak to me.

Lord, so many thoughts have run through my head but there has been little time to let them settle. Nothing is private here from the time I rise to the time I sleep. Lord, I pray for recovery time when I get back. I was behind when I left, I grow anxious to think of what I'll face when I get home.

prayer

Lord, I pray for safety and rest. grant my family security and peace. Show me the way back to the mission.

greek details

The blog is really acting strangely... It won't publish some things and other times it publishes multiple times the same post. I am at an internet cafe wondering if I'm going to be able to find my way back to the mission. This is the first time I've tried to do this myself. yes...I'm nervous. I really for some reason feel alienated from everyone. no one's fault, really. it's me. i suppose some of it is simply that i'm tired. last night we got back from the theatre after trying to converse with George the sound guy for a couple of hours. we have been shoved this way and that. we have been solicited, surrounded as we've walked thought the streets of the city. We finally got back last night at 1 AM and then got up around 6 AM. Paul and Steve and I went into the market place this morning after meeting with the talent. Big mistake. I am wiped out. Paul and Steve are going to beach volleyball and i said to myself- no way. I know it's the olympics. That's all i've heard. 60 bucks? DO IT! IT's THE OLYMPICS! That seems to be the excuse for everything. I say... uh ---no thanks... 90 Degrees, baking... for three hours... It's the OLYMPICS!!! uh... no thanks.

Sweaty, tired and surrounded by the world...

2:16 PM Athens time...


constant motion it seems
surrounded by the world
beautiful people
many thoughts swimming around in my brain
i've had several moments where I here Him cry, Jerusalem, Jerusalem...
but no reply


Last night i had a chance to go to a greek orthodox basilica alone...
incredible small little church near the dora strata theatre where we will have our presentation. incredible shrines and customs very strange and yet i worshiped as i watched.

their passion for worship is very different. Of course, more iconoclastic.

here in athens at the helenic mission. last night was wild. i think i mentioned 40 guys in one room. try about 60. there was such a cascade of sleep noises that it sounded like the whole mormon tabarnacle choir was performing a musical of groans. the bunks were about aa foot apart from each other. Incredible moments of discovery, and I'm learning so much about life outside the U.S. I do miss the family, every kids play center reminds me of Caleb, every motorcycle reminds me of Isaac.

I have so much to blog about but i only have a few moments on the internet waiting list. I'm creating a little web movie of my trip when i get home.

love to all my family in Christ.

I'm in Athens

I'm in an internet cafe as the night begins here in Athens. The trip went well. Lots of new experiences that i don't have time to share. the most surprising thing about the trip was how easily it went. I slept well on the plane. today way a walking journey through places i've only imagined while reading and view pictures. We climbed the slippery slopes of Mars Hill. You could almost hear Paul speak strategically to the anscestors of these people. "The unknown God" is alive and well.

Packing it in...

Don't know if this will be my last blog on this side of the Atlantic, but I'm finally gathering a little nervous excitement about the trip. I'm such a rookie:-) It's just about time to put a wrap on the day. Lord, I pray that I'll remain strong and creative as we face the tasks ahead. I pray for wisdom and understanding that surpasses the limitations of language and culture. I pray that I'll remain pure and steadfast to the very end.

Questions

Will I get to blog over there?
Will I sleep tomorrow night on the plane?
What will the searches be like?
Will everything be cool with the family?
Will I lose any gear?
Will I encounter gypsies?
Will I get lost?
Will I sleep well in a room full of people?
Will the video data translate well over the ocean?
Will somebody on our team lose their temper?
Will I fall in love with international ministry?
Will I get disgusted by the culture?
Will I long to live there and write?
Will I look at life over here differently when I return?
Will I forget something really important?
Will I have a bad experience with the management of the theatre?
Will I bring a witness?

More scrambling

I'm afraid that this day is another left brainer where my sole activity is a huge to-do list. I tried to see if I could return on an earlier flight but that seems to be impossible. Nathan missed the first three hours of school with anxiety- It affects his digestive system and his emotions. We'll continue to try to figure this out. Lord, show us the way. It seems as if we've been experiencing a tremendous amount of warfare. Lord I pray for protection. I pray You'll give me the confidence to go tomorrow. I am searching for your purpose this week in all of this. I'm tired already thinking of the things that I need to do before I leave.

A trip to Hickory Hollow Mall to connect with Nathan for the TM412 DVD
European adaptor.
Photocopy of Passport
Packing
Let's Worship Contracts.
Tons of unanswered emails.
a phone call tonight at 2 AM to the Greek Theatre.
Let's worship editing
Script writing for the DVD Sunday school Project

Lord Jesus, Son of God have mercy.

Nathan is stressed

Nathan is already experiencing some panic problems. We're praying for wisdom on how to help him. He's such a great child, it hurts to see him in so much discomfort. Lord, I pray for wisdom beyond our capabilities.

no thrills- just dirty details

In a meeting with true love waits right now. Out of a meeting with the multimedia services guys. Richard Barnes led the meeting. They are still trying to figure out who we are and what we are planning on doing. Jay Wolfe is our man for the first shoot.

Scripture Union Press has an internet connection but it’s in 15 minute increments. I’m hoping there will be an internet cafe close by so i can blog.

Today, i had the first drive to the new miegs and ended late because I’m just unfamilar with the route. But I was only about thre minutes late.

Richard says the city really isn’t that crowded.

Just a few passing notes about the day

we went to brentwood for church and had a good experience. I feel fairly certain that that is where we'll join. It's quiet a drive but we all like it. I think isaac even likes it.

Lord, bring him a friend there who is connected to you. Lord make me a tough love Dad. I am more and more, day by day, convinced that he needs me to get in his face. which is totally not my parenting style- but my parenting style hasn't worked thus far. I preached a sermon to the guys on the way to church. Iwas so tired of everything being so "me,me,me" in our house and I laid into them with the fury of a young Billy Sunday. I said, this life and this day ios not about you! And then Mike Glenn in his sermon said- (this is not ministerially speaking- I'm not making this p or stretching the truth.) he said, You might not like this worship service and that's fine because worship is not about You!. That raised a few eyebrows in the car on the way home.

After church I went swiming with the guys. At the pool there must have been ten divorced women in bikini's that should have been illegal for women of that girth. Boy, we all got an earful. Most of them evidently worked in the food service business because they were talking about tips, chefs and Mondays off. A couple of them used language that would make a sailor blush.

We then went to get notebooks for the guys and then came home. We decided to celebrate the beginning of school, the conclusion of the tm412 project, and my farewell to Greece by doing something we haven't really ever done before... we spent a load of money making a memory at Kobe steak house. Tomorrow begins the school year and I believe this will be much easier than last year. my mileage is so much less.

By the way, Lord, thanks for getting a chance to meet Gary, a college ministry guy who let me know that some people really do the things I write. What an encouragement. And what a great story he has. He prayed for God to help him lose weight and the Lord took away his appitite. How cool is that? He's lost 100 pound in a year.

That's about all for now. Let the games begin!

back from denver

i made it back from Denver tonight and we're ready to resume our search for a church home. we're are probably going to Brentwood Baptist again. It's just such a long drive. i'm a little sceptical about the schedules we'd have to keep by joining a church 20 minutes away. we might visit bellview baptist even though we understand that it is really very traditional in worship style. we have to make a decision on this. it's just been so tough for us to come to an agreement but we can't stall any longer. Lord, please show us the way.

annoying noise

There's this noise outside the hotel that is driving me nuts! It sounds like someone with a blowtorch just outside my window. It lasted all last night and here it goes again. i miss my family and my little reading light oin the bedside table. I miss my fan! I love to go in and watch my children sleep. there is something really peaceful about them. it makes me feel close to God. I don't know why. I must get up and look out the window to see what it is.

I'm back. It's an airconditioning compressor.

guilt, rewrites, and self-assessment gone awry

tonight i took a script that I wrote that about two years ago, published, mildly humorous and in a nice little ironic ending. It was called, “It gets all over me.” I rewrote it this morning and turned it into something I’m really excited about. Nothing major but it worked. the crowd loved it and it went perfectly with the keynote speakers message. totally unplanned. I love holy accidents.

as i write this i am saying to myself- you sound cocky. but really i can’t receive the glory. I sat on that mediocre script borne from a great idea. i sent it away to print and i never went back to kick it up a notch to make it better. nothing to brag about in that.

i saw joel, the worship leader from Riverside and he was very apologetic about never thanking me for the writing i did on the Christmas presentation he asked me to write. i smiled because we are so much alike. i forget the nicities that other more centered people remember.

Life continues to run ahead of me. I am just a few days away from my journey to Greece. (my first trip across the pond) I feel somewhat ambivilent about it and therefore guilty. people ask me about how excited i am. excited is something right now that i do my best to manufacture. i feel really guilty about that because if i say i’m not excited, then i am a snobbish ungrateful little person. I would sound like Mr. Howell on Gilligan’s Island with that pile of money in a footlocker. Ungrateful little person!

Here’s the deal. I’m too worried about Darlene and her first week on the job being the week that I’m gone. I’m going to feel guilty about that... the time away from home. I feel guilty that i have this ticket and that there is so much work to do on Let’s Worship. I feel guilty that I feel guilty about this really good, free, yes... FREE trip to Greece.

Do you see a nasty pattern? Everywhere i turn, the accuser is working overtime- guilt here, guilt there.

so far today

slept good last night and now i’m at Riverside Baptist church. I stayed at the red lion hotel which was perhaps quite the rage when the Song “Kung Fu Fighting” was a hit. It’s in an older part of denver and i’m sure they renovated the place but still it has that 70’s feel. next to the football field where the broncos play. the red lion is a circular hotel with a restaurant on top. last night i went to the restaurant to eat a cobb salad and i took it to my room and watch mike tyson get knocked out. a replay i’m sure. we don’t have any cable channels at home and so i watched fox news and cnn and then i realized how stressful the news can be when it is continual. just a little TMI.

woke up and pack all my stuff ate breakfast and walked with my rolling suitcase filled with dvds and videos along with my laptop case WALKED to the church. i could see the church from the top of the hotel and so i thought, this is no big deal I’ll walk. It’s amazing how far a small walk turns out to be when you are on the ground.

So now i wait for the beginning of the class on reaching the unchurched.

waiting and watching

contrary to popular belief
We are not waiting for God
He indeed is waiting for us
He doth not sleep
he’s a lover on the verge of dreams realized
plans
rapture
but far more than scribbled stories in retail shelves
He is patient and ever above and beyond
the fruitless dreams of countries and corporations
he is far more interested in beggars
he is far less interested in buicks
he watches through dooms and fears
laughter and tears
he’s waiting and watching
to see if we learn
to see if we get it.
to see if we play fair and defend his bride
like a jealous, devoted lover three days before the wedding
he watches our days as the time slips by and he waits for us to cast our gaze toward heaven
we can be sure he is watching
not from a distance
he’s as close as the air
that dances before our lips

today was constant motion...
I got back in the office after taking isaac to the school.
when i got in i recieved a call that the dvd's were ready.
i tweaked the expense report, returned a few calls and then met with chris about the sunday school dvd ciricullum.
then left for murpfreesboro, met for about five minutes with nathan and then scurried back to the house to pack.
packed--
found my visa bill rushed to Sifford video...
picked up the videos and dvds and then back to the office.
turned in the 3rd revision of the expense report and then packed the office stuff.
OH---- MY---- GOSH!
90 minutes til take off... grabbed my bags...
rushed out of Lifeway like a house afire.
Construction! tick, tick, tick...
65 minutes and the airport sign is in view. park the car.
two boxes, laptop bag crammed with stuff, and my suitcase..
this will never do!
I can't carry all this stuff from section g3
and i don't want to wait for the parking torture bus that takes half a day to get dropped off....
I must compress my worldly possessions-- no way
i'm making it through this eye of the needle...
tear open the dvd box and i start stuffing 50 dvds in every pocket, zipper and crevance of my suitcase and laptop bag.
i am now hobbling like a wounded penguin down to the terminal.
I hate that they call it a terminal... it sounds so terminal-- especially when you're pressing up the escallator with the intesity of a lineman,
I get there. Finally...
thank you Lord... for cool weather and the grace to make the flight.
I don't imagine You ever did a day like today.
I don't see You running on the water...
I don't see you running five different atempts at paperwork.
Do you bless my rushed existence...
does it at least make you smile. I'm smiling right now thinking about it.
How you see my steps and know my heart.
how you smile and love me even on days when i am so very imperfect and weak...
you see the glances, the hymns, the blessings, the beggings, you even heard me say "CRAP!" when the box tumbled of the roller when i tried to hop a curb.
You saw me look to make sure it was under my breath.
but You heard it and winced...
but at that moment i felt You smile because you approved?
no... because i deserved a smile from on high?
oh no....
You smiled because ironically You loved me unconditionally, passionately...
You see everything Lord Jesus and You see my life from a bird's eye to eye view.
Hallelujah! What a great Daddy Father God almighty!!
I am yours and the dance of the day-
though rushed, awkward and undone.
Amen and Amen

rapid eye movement

quiet
so serene
the sudden halt of wheels
and machines
i gaze down amid the chaos
in the fearful, vibrance of the night
yes beautiful and bright
sparkling
mile by mile
you watch
and smile
i reach out to touch you
somehow to know that you are there
blue
but the veil
tender
yet sullen
reminds me of the miles and pace
calling out my name
come and sleep
and so i will dream of morning dew
face to face
you vanish when dawn shines pure and true.

finished my expense report

2 hours worth. Left brain wins. Out of 32 receipts, i only lost one:-)

Bruce Gust is leaving LifeWay

This place is a whole lot less cool without "Dr. Grust" He has been so great for me, it's hard to believe he decided to leave, but it has to be a God thing. Bruce has always been someone who i could count on to be just a little more outrageous than me when it come to presentations. i need than kind of "stepin' over the line, envelop pusher around to keep me on my toes creatively. Kindred spirits indeed are rare and most of mine are out of the state or country.

the day seems to be working out well....

I was unable to get to Chris' birthday lunch. i'll have to make it up to him next week. chris has been a great friend and i hate to admit it, a survival mechanism at lifeway. the guys are swimming and i'm wanting to here from Isaac. i wish he'd call me. this is one day i wish i was cloned. tomorrow- denver... and i have a long way to go to be complely prepard to leave. met with ron about bulletins- trying to make each line disctinctive. back home now waiting and working.

working at home today

yesterday we tried something that didn't quite work. our 13 year-old kept our 8 year-old. so today i took a "family care" day to work at home and referree the guys. i'm planning on going to the office after Darlene gets back from her teacher training. She experienced a bit of disappointment yesterday- she's teaching in a temporary building that sounds like it has been on the ground since the battle of Franklin. Lord, i pray for encouragement for her.

this afternoon i'll take caleb with me for Chris Johnson's birthday lunch. this will be a real trick because i have to drop Nathan off in hermitage, go to the BBQ joint and then to Mac Authority to pick up some DVD-Rs and then back to pick Isaac up. Come to think of it... i won't be home very much today.

my stomach is messed up

i planned to have a family care day but it may turn into a sick day. my stomach feels like the iraqi dirty bomb testing cave. ugg. This may be a long night. it was a case of eating poorly i believe.

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back from work

today was productive. i'm getting close on several projects but still more work to do on Let's Worship (contracts, holes, and such.) i have really been beating myself up for not responding to writers about their submissions. that's the life of a right brainer trying to do left brain functions.... my left brain is now accusing me of making excuses... now my right brain is frowning.. Yes i'm certified.

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Prayer for today

Lord, grant me the focus I need for the day. I lift up the insufficiency of the flesh and pray for you to fill me and soften my heart. Guard me today from unkindness in thoughts, words and actions. When I am fearful, be my shield. When I am undone, pull me together. When i am breathless, give me rest. and when I wander, center my steps on the narrow path.

Have Mercy, Lord.

so out of the 18 hours of work...

7 of them took 8.5 hours.On i go into the future with lots of deadlines, phone calls, assignments blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blah

And on we go. I am very tired tonight. The work took a lot out of me and then there was the scampering to get Isaac and finding out that he wasn't supposed to leave, going back to the mass of cpa parents for the third parents meeting. these presberterian's sure love to meet. Almost as much as the baptists...

a sardine day

I have about 16 hours of work to fit into around 8 hours. Here's my to-do's.

drop off dvd to be duplicated at sifford video
finish the script for the athens event
expense form
Turn in contract requests
Let's worship hole filling
tm412 edits and corrections
aiff file for slightly confused middle aged postmodern dude.


Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy.

In west Frankfort IL

Today, was a workshop day from 9 am to 3:30 then over to terra and veldon's house. such a warm and wonderful place. their love for God imminates from their home. it's hard to really explain when you are with a family that has peace and they really do. everything refreshing and relaxing. i'm so busy and life right now is so complex for me that i find myself coveting their life and the pace in this small town in southern illinois.

i wonder where i would be right now if i hadn't made the ambitous choices to do and be the things that my life dictates, would i be happier in a small town with more time to write and breathe or would i simply feel exiled from the intoxicatingly fast terrain in which i live.

everything is so push and pull-- smash and grab-- run and jump... always (i use that word with a tad of exaggeration) always feeling like i'm being chased by an impossible-- you can't cancel now-- schedule.

this is my rant for the day... I am homesick for a place i've never been before... is it small town life or is it heaven or is it just a quiet town called w. frankfort.

prayer of dependence

Lord Jesus,

I present my life to you this morning. You are aware of the struggles that i face daily, hourly, moment by moment. There is no survival outside the shadow of your grace. i confess my inability to be self suffecient. i recognize that you know me better than i know myself. you understand the terror of the nights and the arrows of my days. reign in me today. even as i paint the house, give me open ears to hear your voice. Lord, i lift my sons up to You. Lord, i am so barren in wisdom and you are plentiful. Lord, You know i love them and that i need an ocean of your love to be the kind of dad that i need to be. i pray for energy and encouragement today.

i think the first entry is always the toughest.

can i blame terrorists for the corruption of my former blog? i don't think so. basically it was a b2 thing. but the first entry on a new address is the most difficult even if i'm simply coming back to the blog i left around 6 months ago. i've spent the last two days refocusing on why i blog and basically, i believe that it's part obsession, part worship, part ambition, part flesh, and part phobia. the part that's ambition was the part that was so upset about the loss of matter from the past 40 days that i was on my b2 blog. basically i've come to understand that i enjoy sharing my journey. i need this and it keeps me well.



mtullos@lifeway.com