matt tullos

the compost pile of writer, matt tullos. mostly poems, prayers, rants and naratives... "Gods passion for the world has compelled me to be a contributor in the warfare of grace rather than a spectator in the warfare of religion."

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Location: Alexandria, LA, United States

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

The Sound of Grace: God Pursues a Relationship With Us That is Real and Personal

Again and again I heard the sound of grace. It was a sound that shook my life out of the darkness.

I had many lovers throughout my life. People would talk about me. I was the punch-line of every joke and fireside conversation. Some men wanted me to die and others wanted me for all the wrong reasons. The legal authorities pulled me out of my lover’s bed into the light of early morning. I tried to resist but of course I knew it was futile. This was the day I had dreaded ever since my parents disowned me when I turned 17. But I never dreamed that this humiliation would cut so deep. I knew where they were leading me. I couldn’t look at them. I closed my eyes unable to bear the humiliation as they brought me to my ultimate judge. The officials brought me to Him. They stated their case.

(As Pharisees) You know the charges; you know what the law is. We demand that it be followed! What do YOU say?

I hid my face in shame. I couldn’t look up to see his face. Silence. Silence that seemed to last for an eternity.

(As Pharisees) Speak! What is your verdict?

No reply. Then I could hear the mumbling of the citizens. I could hear familiar voices, sarcastically mocking me under their breath. I could hear the voices of former lovers. I could hear the voices of the jury of my peers. Why is this judge so silent? I looked up. My eyes fixed on Him. Then suddenly I felt the power of his holiness and trembled. But this was not the face of a judge. This wasn’t the face of a rich religious leader.

He said the words that echo through the ages. “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone.”

I braced myself for the force of a violent death. But my eyes remained on this man. Then came the sound I still hear today- the sound of grace. It was the sound of falling stones as one by one the prosecutors exited silent and shamed.

He pursued me with a love I had never felt or seen before. He smiled and said, Where are the ones that have judged you?

This wasn’t the love of a man. I’d seen too much of that kind of love. This was the love of a God who saw me as I was and loved me still. He covered me with his love. And I didn’t quite understand it at the time. But later on Golgotha I saw that he was willing to give everything to bring me into his family.

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