matt tullos

the compost pile of writer, matt tullos. mostly poems, prayers, rants and naratives... "Gods passion for the world has compelled me to be a contributor in the warfare of grace rather than a spectator in the warfare of religion."

Location: Alexandria, LA, United States

Saturday, October 02, 2004

I'd better post...

before i go to bed. i felt totally sunk. tired and a bit strung out from the past few days of work. tomorrow I'll be in McMinnville at Northside baptist to speak- morning and evening. I still haven't heard anything about what they plan to do. I think they are very close to calling a pastor so even if I do get some more invitations it won't last long, unless something goes off the radar with them and the candidate..

Last night we went to Isaac's game. He continues to amaze me with his turn-around. I can't express how wonderful his progress has been.

Lord, You have indeed been at work and you were right when you told me that this was something I couldn't do but that You just wanted me to witness Your acts and stand amazed. I must tell you that I am amazed.

My life in so many ways has been a struggle to hide needs and to grow up when actually you wanted me to acknowledge how needy and weak and empty I am and to stop this growing up and selfmakingment. It's wicked, it's idolatry and it is a travesty laid bare before a holy God.

My salvation and my position in the Kingdom is not based upon my own righteousness or my ability to be everything that people expect of me. My writing, my performances, my friendships and everything else that I do for my own position is a pile of waste when I listen for applause, when I seek a nod, or a praise. Pride even mixed with good intention remains a ball and chain.

I am only righteous because of Jesus, It it soley based on the act of Jesus, perfect. It's Jesus plus nothing else.

Oh God, may this thought invade every aspect of my life. Jesus and nothing else.

Have mercy on this frail, prideful angry person, this beggar clinging to the husks. I condemn the rock handed, white washed Christian that I can be sometimes. I run to you, Lord. And You have been so patient with me.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy.


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